For those of us whose personal identities were fused with doctrinal acceptance, it’s not enough to simply walk away from organized orthodox Christianity. We still carry all the expectations and obligations with us wherever our journey takes us. We try to process new lives with old indoctrinated machinery.

 

By David Jones

I’ve held my own faith even while embracing Buddha’s teachings. It works well for me.

But something I’m dealing with (something many former Christians also face) is all the doctrinal and social conditioning I was saddled with. Even after leaving the churches behind, we carry all that conditioned thinking onto the Path. And that’s a good thing.

Conditioned Thinking

For those of us whose personal identities were fused with doctrinal acceptance, it’s not enough to simply walk away from organized orthodox Christianity. We still carry all the expectations and obligations with us wherever our journey takes us. We try to process new lives with old indoctrinated machinery.

I was conditioned to hold only the approved interpretations of only the approved teachings. When I started looking into Buddhism, I approached it the same way. I bought books and watched videos to know “What do Buddhists believe? What are their accepted teachings and how are you supposed to understand them?” I wanted to be accepted by other Buddhists.

As I became aware of that reflexive thinking, I realized I’d seen it occasionally with other Buddhists who felt protective of an orthodox Dharma. When I discuss teachings or views, and someone shows up to say, “That’s not what that means!” I struggle. It’s as if there can only be one acceptable meaning. And I still react to that the same way I often did at Church: “Oh. An adult has spoken. I’ll shut up now.”

Buddhist dogma is a thing. Ask Nichiren.

Christians are often expected to purge themselves of doubts about teachings. But Buddha encouraged doubt as a starting point, and he taught the Kalamas not to blindly believe things just because a teacher or scripture or book said so. That also includes our understanding of teachings.

To address this, it can help to sit with questions. “Why am I still trying to find out what the ‘correct’ beliefs and views are here on the Path? Is it so I can really belong? Is it for legitimacy? Why do I still think I have to hold teachings I don’t understand or agree with? Didn’t I just leave all that?” It takes more work to dislodge our past behavior than just leaving the church.

The Path Is Many Paths

In studying, I realized there wasn’t one single definition of a “Buddhist.” There are different traditions and flavors of Buddhist practice, and they aren’t identical. Some traditions do have certain teachings they abide by. But in general Buddhist practice, there’s no pressing obligation to adhere to particular teachings or interpretations. Such a requirement would be a hindrance.

Buddha didn’t teach a narrow, cramped road leading to Enlightenment. He didn’t concern himself with divine wrath, or really divine anything. There’s no reward for “getting it right,” nor punishment if you don’t. Walk the path that helps you find liberation from cycles of suffering. In fact, religious indoctrination is itself a cycle of suffering that one can escape, but it’s gonna take work. Just leaving the religion doesn’t really solve much.

It’s good to haul all of this onto your path because the introspective nature of Buddhist practice can help us uncover the old patterns away from the environment that insisted on them.

But letting go of something isn’t just a matter of opening our hands and letting it fall. When I sweep up cat hair, it clings to my hands even if I shake them hard. We don’t just hold on to our old ways: they hold on to us too. It takes work to understand “why and how” so we can truly, successfully let it go.

Challenging The Habits

Fear is another learned facet of institutional Christianity. It’s a handy control tool, and it goes beyond eternal torment. There are cultural and organizational benefits to frightening people into silent compliance.

It’s good to recognize the old habits in new environments. “Am I feeling pressured to accept a teaching?” If so, sit with that. “What if I don’t agree with this teaching? What if this understanding doesn’t hold water for me? Do I still feel compelled to accept what I’m taught and not question or disagree? Am I afraid I’ll make the teacher angry, or that I’ll be rejected by the community? Am I worried I’ll be punished? What really is this discomfort?”

There’s no shame in finding out we’re still carrying around old conditioning. It takes time and work to recognize and really understand those old ways. Some can be repurposed, others can be dismantled and sold for parts.

It starts with a willingness to face into the pain and anger rather than avoid or deny it. And it’s hard to deconstruct old conditioning that we’ve learned not to see. But with perseverance it’s possible to find actual liberation from the cycle of religion-based suffering. Our practice is a great place to do that work.

Be well.

 

Photo: Pixabay

Editor: Dana Gornall

 

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