By Debbi Serafinchon
Stop telling me I need to learn to be single. I know how to be single. I am really good at being single.
Single people pay their bills (all by ourselves). Each month I see the bills stacked in my mailbox or my email and I open them up one by one and pay them. I don’t lose my mind over the fact that I am the only one that puts money in the account that I pay those bills from. I just pay them because, in order to have water or lights, those utility companies want their money.
Single people also do all the daily and weekly chores that need to be done. By ourselves. We know how to vacuum and clean bathrooms. Some of us even make our beds. Laundry is kind of a breeze actually, with only a load or two a week. Then there is the grocery shopping, running errands and all those other chores. And guess who does that?
Yup, we do. All by our single selves.
Meal planning, preparation, and cleanup is done by single people as well. We’ve been known to create some amazing dishes for ourselves. And because most recipes are designed for two or more people to eat, we have leftovers for lunches. One of the best parts of being single is there is no one to fight with over meal choices or if we choose to go out, where we want to eat.
Which brings me to my next point—going out.
Single people take up those “single seat” spaces in the movie theatres or concerts. Many of us aren’t afraid to venture into a pub on our own, and it’s rather refreshing not having to wait for a table because quite often there is at least one spot open at the bar that we are willing to cozy up in, leaving that table open for you couples. There are a number of us that are also quite fine with traveling by ourselves, as well.
Again, no one to argue with over destination picks or which of the many local dining choices to choose from once we are there or what excursions we would like to participate in while on our vacation.
Single people offer the best suggestions on which handy man to hire and which ones to stay away from. We understand that we can’t do everything ourselves and are willing to test out the local talent when it comes to plumbers or appliance repair folks. We are willing to look silly asking the ridiculous questions you might not want to ask a perfect stranger because we have no one else to ask. So please remember to thank us the next time a repair person tells you he has heard all the questions that can possibly be asked on their area of expertise.
I am tired of hearing how I need to find myself before I can be with another. Often I’ve wanted to ask that couple that have been together for years and years if they have found themselves and that is why they have been able to stay together for so long.
Please don’t tell me the universe or God or whatever almighty power you believe in has bigger plans for me and that is the reason I am still single. Do not offer up your suggestions on how I can be better at being single. Do not suggest activities that have worked for your distant cousin’s neighbor’s best friend’s single friend. Trust me, us folks that have been single for a while have probably tried it and it didn’t work for us.
I have being single down to a fine art. I know how to pick the shows I want to watch on T.V. I know how to look in the mirror over my shoulder to see if my butt looks huge in these pants. I know how to spend a quiet evening at home in my own company. I know how to rely on just myself—day in and day out, so please stop telling me I need to learn to be single before I can be in a relationship. Your advice isn’t helping me. I know how to be single.
I really do have being single down to a science. I can fall asleep anywhere on my king sized bed and not have to worry about sharing blankets. I don’t have to be concerned with how horrendous my morning breath might be—well, except when the dog makes that face if I happen to breathe on her in the morning. I can make my own coffee and sit with my own silence in the morning, preparing for another day of being single.
So please, do not tell me I need to learn to be single.
Single I can do.
It’s being in a relationship I have a problem with.
Debbi Serafinchon is a passionate lover of life, and she uses writing to try and fit the pieces of what is happening in her world together. This divorced mom to four older children finds she now has the time to travel, learn, explore her creative side and people watch. Her favorite quote by Douglas Adams summarizes her journey quite nicely: “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” You can find more of her writing on her website and follow her on Facebook.
Editor: Dana Gornall