woman worry


By Nina Rubin


*see first question here

Dear Nina,

I just quit my job. Just quit.

It was an abusive environment, and I know it was the best thing for me in the short term, but I am worried about how this is going to effect me long-term. Even though I quit, I’m still stressed beyond measure. I feel like I’m always on edge, and I’m blaming myself for everything. I feel like a failure.

I feel like I have to start from scratch, proving myself to everyone. I feel like I’ll never be able to work productively again. How do I convince myself that I’m still valuable and worthy?

Am I really starting from scratch?




Hey Lobster,

Wow, it really was that bad. Kudos to you for taking care of yourself. I’m sorry it got so bad that you essentially had to walk off the job.

Your professional workplace took on a form of abuse. It sounds like you’re suffering from self-doubt and mistrust since you’ve left. The good news is you never have to work there again. The bad news is that all of the toxicity is leaving your system and you’re now left with a puddle of confusion.

Here’s what I suggest:

1. Take time to care for yourself. If that means exercising, do more of it with the time you have. If you have pets, spend more time loving them. If you’re in a relationship, lean on your partner for support.
2. Remember life before this job. Remind yourself of other jobs you had where you were valued and appreciated.
3. When looking for new jobs, try to ask culture questions in the interviews. Find out how managers usually respond when things go askew. Glean what you can about company culture based on what the managers are saying and what they’re not saying.

Good Luck!

Have a question for Nina? Email her at asknina@thetattooedbuddha.com.

Photo: countingstonesheep/tumblr

Editor: Dana Gornall



Nina Rubin

Nina Rubin, M.A., is a native New Mexican living in Southern California. Coming from a long line of entrepreneurs, she runs her own Gestalt Life Coaching practice and is starting a food company called The Gourmet Therapist. Originally trained as a Gestalt Psychotherapist, Nina practices as a Gestalt Life Coach working relationally with clients in the present moment. Helping clients gain insight and awareness, identify their needs and create action plans to achieve their goals is her primary focus. An avid cook and baker, she is constantly trying new recipes and looks forward to hosting a breakfast pop-up restaurant. Having flirted with the idea of writing for many years, Nina writes for her blog, Afterdefeat. She is always trying something new or connecting with dear friends and can be found at Sunday meditation sanghas, yoga classes, playing scrabble, and hosting dinner parties. To learn more about working with her, visit Coaching by Nina Rubin.