By Nina Rubin


Dear Nina,

My husband passed away 8 months ago from a car crash. I can’t seem to get through this. All I can think about is how I didn’t do enough or that I could have been better to him and I miss him so much. We have a daughter and I try to focus on her but I feel like everything I do with her is fake. How do I go on?




Dear Grieving,

I’m so sorry to read your sentiments and learn about your grief.

A sudden loss of a life, like a car crash, is overwhelming and instant. It’s nothing you could have prepared for (or would have wanted to). It’s tough to remember that “right now, it’s like this.” Your sadness, guilt and wistfulness are so present and deep. I imagine that there have been milestones to your grief and some days are harder than others, or other days you’re numb and walking through the motions. Both are normal. I hope you have support from friends or other family members.

For now, you have your breath and it’s steady.

Also, I hope you and your daughter will both look into, a resource for grief and loss support groups across the country. is an email support group that might also be a help.

Sending light,



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Photo: (source)

Editor: Dana Gornall



Nina Rubin

Nina Rubin, M.A., is a native New Mexican living in Southern California. Coming from a long line of entrepreneurs, she runs her own Gestalt Life Coaching practice and is starting a food company called The Gourmet Therapist. Originally trained as a Gestalt Psychotherapist, Nina practices as a Gestalt Life Coach working relationally with clients in the present moment. Helping clients gain insight and awareness, identify their needs and create action plans to achieve their goals is her primary focus. An avid cook and baker, she is constantly trying new recipes and looks forward to hosting a breakfast pop-up restaurant. Having flirted with the idea of writing for many years, Nina writes for her blog, Afterdefeat. She is always trying something new or connecting with dear friends and can be found at Sunday meditation sanghas, yoga classes, playing scrabble, and hosting dinner parties. To learn more about working with her, visit Coaching by Nina Rubin.