By Edith Lazenby
I learned long ago that faith is not an intellectual exercise.
I learned the hard way because I tried to make it logical, as I worked on defining faith.
My entry to faith was round about with many detours. I grew up with no religious training. In the 8th grade I did not know what the last supper was at all. My parents at one point said they did not know about God, so I became an atheist in my teen years.
But I don’t believe in atheists to be candid, because when there is nowhere else to go we all pray. I know I did.
Then I met a man who was involved in the occult and I took the back door to faith. I embraced his teachings for better or worse, but came to believe for a time. But I did not know what it meant to me to have faith.
Then I got sober and went to AA. I dissected the concept of a higher power, but I could not grasp that any thing at all could be my higher power.
In time though, I came to believe in a higher power that meant something to me. It was not my parent’s idea or my boyfriend’s, but my belief in god or God—in an intelligence and love that keeps all going and in order.
I find faith the most important thing in my life that is mine. Yes, I have yoga and poetry, but faith is what saw me through my mom’s passing. Faith sees me through my many health scares where the threat of cancer lingers at the end of some hospital test. Faith sees me through all the heartbreak and betrayal that comes when we give our hearts to lovers and friends.
I like to believe my life is a prayer.
I like to live with an open heart and willing mind to understand the things that come my way and when I can’t understand, let grace do her thing.
I believe that there is evil but love is a stronger, more powerful force than all the evil in the world. I have faith that most people are good and doing their best most of the time.
I have faith that I will screw up as I just did recently but that I can learn and grow from my mistakes.
I know I am misunderstood sometimes and I know I often misunderstand others.
I have faith we can all take time to listen to each other. I have faith that life does not end with my final exhale. I have faith that we are spiritual beings in a physical body. I know that what we think and see and feel is energy, and matter is but polarized spirit.
I have faith that my faith will see me through all the challenges and deepen all the joy.
Yes, I have faith.
Editor: Dana Gornall
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