The album’s title, Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party and cover art, a picture of Williams looking like she’s all out of fucks to give, showed promise. I saw it, smiled, and thought “same girl, same” as I hit play. When the music started, I heard something that I had been missing in my music repertoire.

 

By Claire Parsons

The best thing I have done for my mental health in the last month was listen to the new album by Hayley Williams.

I was not a fan of Williams or the band which made her famous, Paramore, previously. Instead, I saw a clip from her set on Fallon during some scrolling while eating my lunch at work. The song, True Believer—a haunting ballad about the horrors of modern politics—caught my attention.

The song’s lyrics and the delivery were more daring and real than anything I expected from pop music these days. I made a mental note to track down the album and listen, but didn’t get to this until I had a long ride after an evening meeting to go speak at a conference the next day. I am not sure which was lower—-my expectations or my energy level—but I found the album in the hopes that at least the novelty might make the drive less painful.

The album’s title, Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party and cover art, a picture of Williams looking like she’s all out of fucks to give, showed promise. I saw it, smiled, and thought “same girl, same” as I hit play. When the music started, I heard something that I had been missing in my music repertoire.

New Music with a Sound Familiar to My Soul

The first thing I noticed was that the songs didn’t sound brand new. They didn’t sound like something I hadn’t heard before. Instead, they sounded familiar, but in a good way. I heard sounds I have missed for years, reminiscent of Tori Amos, Garbage, Vampire Weekend or most prominently, Elliott Smith. But it never sounded like Williams copied any style. Instead, the songs felt more like a chef using a culinary style to convey a specific emotion.

And the range of what Williams conveyed was impressive.

She has songs that express giddy and playful excitement, like Ice in My OJ or Whim, but then she jumps to a punk love song dedicated to her anti-depressant, Mirtazapine. Williams confesses her loneliness, alienation, and exasperation in Glum, Negative Self-Talk, and Parachute, but then offers the hilarious acoustic reimagining of Discovery Channel that nobody asked for but now I cannot live without.

On the first listen through the album, I could not believe it. I hit favorite on the first song and then kept going. By the last half of the album, I was legitimately trying not to like a song. I was waiting to hit “skip” because I couldn’t believe an album released today could be so good. I added every single song to my favorites. Then on the drive home the next day, I played the album again to make sure it was actually that good.

Spoiler alert: it was.

Why Do These Sad Songs Make Me Feel Better?

In the days that followed, I listened to the album on a loop. I liked the songs. The sound was infectious, and most, especially the title track, were fun to sing. But after a while I started listening to understand what I loved so much about it. Eventually, I realized that it made me feel hopeful and even inspired.

Given all the extreme emotions on Ego Death, this surprised me. There is a whole lot of sadness, grief, heartbreak and loss that runs through the album like a river. The banks of that river, though, are joy, humor, playfulness and love. And it isn’t just romantic love either. Sure, Williams beautifully conveys deep connections with others in Blood Bros and I Won’t Quit on You, but she gives a pop masterclass on self-love in Love Me Different and even the heart wrenching but upbeat Disappearing Man.

You Can Hold It All and Keep Singing

The night I first heard the album, Ego Death, I was feeling low. I had been running myself ragged, trying to do too many things and be everything to too many people very much like those eldest daughters in Kill Me. I was sad about the world and worried about my family. I wasn’t sure how I was going to keep holding it together.

Listening to Hayley Williams’s album reminded me that it isn’t just me. For lots of us, just getting through the day is a struggle.

But now I have a new soundtrack for my struggle. Now at least I have a new idea about what it sounds like to struggle through life with a broken heart, endless disappointment, outrage at the state of the world, and sometimes poor mental health. Listening to Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party reminds me that there is a way to hold all of this and keep going.

The answer is to keep singing, keep writing, and keep your goddamn sense of humor. For now, and I suspect for many years to come, I am going to keep listening to my new favorite musical artist, Hayley Williams.

 

The Tattooed Buddha is looking for articles on Hope for the month of November. Would you like to be a part of it? Send us your words to: editor@thetattooedbuddha.com. See submission guidelines here.

 

Photo: Pixabay

Editor: Dana Gornall

 

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