book cover Confidence Holding Your Seat through Life's Eight Wordly Winds

Now, some of you out there may be thinking this sounds like a gimmick. Or you may be concerned about McMindfulness and the dilution of Buddhist thought for mass appeal. If you read the book or just Google Nichtern those concerns should be easily dispelled.

 

By Claire Parsons

I wasn’t aware of how much I longed for a teacher of my own age range until I started Ethan Nichtern’s new book, Confidence: Holding Your Seat Through Life’s Eight Worldly Winds.

In fact, when I bought the book, I was not aware that Nichtern was only a few years older than me. I hadn’t done so much as a Google to figure out who he was.

Instead, I was interested in the subject. As someone historically plagued by anxiety and self-doubt, confidence is always front of mind. Like Nichtern, too, I also teach fellow lawyers and other professionals about the relationship between mindfulness, compassion, and confidence. In this way, the title of Nichtern’s book caught my eye and the endorsement from Sharon Salzberg guaranteed its place in my Kindle library.

Easy Read Plus Fun References

When I started it, I was delighted to find that the book was as easy to read as it was to purchase. The book didn’t start with an esoteric description of the concept of confidence or a professorial description of Buddhist teachings. Instead, it started in a place I’ve never seen meditation teacher start a book before: with a reference to song lyrics. Specifically, the song was, How to Disappear Completely from Radiohead’s mind-blowing (at least for me in high school) album Kid A.

Now, some of you out there may be thinking this sounds like a gimmick. Or you may be concerned about McMindfulness and the dilution of Buddhist thought for mass appeal. If you read the book or just Google Nichtern, those concerns should be easily dispelled.

Nichtern has a strong foundation in the Tibetan Buddhism and has been teaching for more than two decades. His book elucidates Buddhist concepts—even really tricky ones like not self—in a way that makes them vibrant rather than dull. He also warns of the dangers of spiritual bypassing because Nichtern’s point in teaching confidence is inspiring more courageous action in life, including civic life.

This Guy Gets It

Moreover, the nod to pop music isn’t just Nichtern trying to fit in like Steve Buscemi on 30 Rock hailing those “fellow kids.” Instead, just like his discussions of other aspects of contemporary life, Nichtern references Radhiohead lyrics because it’s an authentic piece of his experience. Because he is a “fellow kid” (read: someone approaching middle age), he’s believable when he talks about social media-induced self-loathing and the angst and ambivalence of pursuing work-related goals.

Nichtern can teach about these subjects in ways that some of the elder leaders of the mindfulness community can’t because he’s lived them and is still living them. I know when you think about confidence you might automatically look for the oldest face and most established voice in the room. There’s value in experience and no doubt that classic texts continue to offer wisdom for today.

Tradition Has Its Limits

But if there is anything an elder millennial like me knows it’s that tradition can have its limits. As many of us are experiencing now, the limits of tradition can and do affect our own confidence and willingness to stay present and engaged in life. How do we stay steady when the institutions we counted on seem to crumble and fade? And, despite recent events, I don’t just mean governmental institutions.

Of course, political, economic, and governmental factors are affecting us all, but on top of that things like changes in our jobs, companies, relationships, or community groups can rock us too.

When Nichtern wrote that it is possible for us to “hold our seat” through these life “vicissitudes,” I felt no urge to roll my eyes. Instead, I listened because he shared stories of how he had moved on after the fallout in the Shambhala International and rebuilt a life after his own divorce.

The stories, of course, are backed up by solid practices and reinterpretations of the ancient teachings to help all of us fellow kids avoid retreating into our mind caves because the harsh realities of modern life are too much.

What Are The Eight Worldly Winds?

These include a discussion of “eight worldly winds” (pleasure/pain, praise/blame, fame/insignificance and success/failure) and how to avoid the mental traps that cause stagnation and sap our courage. At the heart of this discussion is a point about confidence that I don’t see made often enough: that confidence is not about rising above or defeating fear once and for all. Instead, Nichtern accurately describes that confidence is not transcending life but remaining present in it, despite the constant invitations to check out.

Though the overall emphasis of the book is not meditation practice to encourage the attainment of transitory states, Nichtern ends the book with teachings on two useful practices.

The first, the Jewel Tree Meditation, is a literal gem derived from the teachings of Shantideva that can help you remember where you came from and who has your back for the times you might be facing a big challenge. The second, Windhorse, has a badass title for good reason: it’s about quickly harnessing the energy of courage for the times when we need it most.

Conclusion

I was drawn to Nichtern’s book because I was interested in the subject of confidence. In its pages, I found what I was looking for: solid analysis of Buddhist teachings and a faithful application of them to the challenges of contemporary life. The thing I didn’t expect, a voice from a fellow traveler was perhaps more valuable.

Nichtern’s book helped me remember that confidence is not just possible but still essential to cultivate in the turbulent times we face today.

 

 

Photo: New World Library

Editor: Dana Gornall

 

Interested in learning more? Check out Ethan Nichtern’s course on Confidence here.

 

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