Mindfulness Practice and PTSD

 

By Rebekah Reineke 

I was woken up the other night by what I was sure was the sound of a gunshot right outside my window.

The startle response part of myself recognized it as such, woke up momentarily, then fell back asleep. Not until the next day would I find out all that had transpired. It took me an entire day stuck in a PTSD freeze response from general fear and emotional dysregulation, plus a really good night’s sleep, to recover my sense of safety in my own home.

This unfortunately is not a one-off scenario, and I assume that if this is the 4th incident of gun violence recently in my life in my little corner of the world, it is probably a reality for many others elsewhere.

I recognized the all-too-familiar trauma response in my body to what could have possibly been a very real threat to my life, that of my loved ones, or my neighbors.

Throughout the day I thought, how can I possibly make this body of mine—which previously has had many threats to its safety in the past—continue on without completely falling apart and giving in to a sense that no, the world is not a safe place. That certainly wouldn’t help me to help others if I couldn’t myself get to a place where my body could get back to a feeling of safety and stasis.

Fortunately, I have a wonderful counselor who uses mindfulness practices from her experiences doing DBT groups as a support, as well as a support in someone I work with on learning about Applied Non-Duality. This has taught me the importance of using awareness practices.

Much of these combined supports reminds me that I need to ask myself—who is it exactly that is having these thoughts of the world not being a safe place.

Having grown up in an environment where my family and everyone I was in community with was constantly talking about Armageddon, you certainly wouldn’t think I would have ended up being the type to be telling anyone else that the world is a safe place. Yet, as long as I find that sense of awareness in myself that is outside negative thoughts that pop up and can continue on daily when everything around me feels chaotic and out of my control, eventually life will go on.

When I felt the freeze response happening and reached out for support, I was sent these very practical tips:

-Discuss your fears or concerns with individuals who provide you with support. It is crucial to adhere to a regular routine and maintain a standard way of living to the greatest extent possible.

-Attend to your well-being by ensuring you obtain adequate rest and consume a balanced diet, thereby ensuring you are in optimum health.

-Partake in positive habits that aid in augmenting your capacity to cope with elevated levels of stress.

-Embrace relaxation methods such as deep breathing exercises, constructive visualization, and meditation in order to mitigate sentiments of apprehension and unease.

You would think that simple steps like this would come automatically after years of practicing mindfulness. But when I am in a PTSD response, simple steps like these can seem like huge tasks that may not even come into my mind, due to the nervous system dysregulation that happens after a traumatic event.

Fortunately today, after a good night’s rest and given some time for my mind and body to come back to a state of more awareness, I can write about what happened from a clearer perspective. I have struggled for what seems like my whole life to not let the behavior of others affect my own peace of mind. That is something I continually have to work on.

As someone who seems to have very black and white, good or bad thinking, trying to give others— and even myself—the benefit of the doubt doesn’t come naturally.

That has been where having any sort of mindfulness practice has been of much benefit. I was introduced to the idea recently that in life things can in fact be this or that simultaneously.

Something like gun violence certainly isn’t great. Yet, can I give myself enough grace to accept that it is coming from a feeling of self-preservation, while allowing a sense that maybe whomever made the mistake to act unskillfully with a gun, was possibly being just as human as me? That goes back to the general idea from mindfulness practices that feelings or thoughts can be comfortable, uncomfortable, neutral or a mixture of all three.

I don’t need to put myself or another person entirely into a category, but can say, yes, this experience caused me to feel very uncomfortable. Who I am intrinsically is still just conscious awareness. Eventually that consciousness will cease to continue in this particular body I find myself in currently, but for today, I continue on.

As Vince Cullen teaches, I can use these phrases from his Wise-Heartedness meditation:

* May I have stillness… in the midst of chaos. 

[Breathe]

* May I be at ease… in the midst of discomfort. 

[Breathe]

* May I be safe & well… in the midst of uncertainty. 

[Breathe]

* May I live with kindness… in the midst of all that is difficult. 

[Breathe]

* May I find joy… in the midst of the ordinary and the mundane.

[Breathe]

 

Rebekah Reineke can usually be found reading, writing, or streaming shows at home with her husband and two cats. She was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, explored Wicca, and was involved in working with a number of nonprofits surrounding Buddhist Recovery. Currently she is exploring Applied Non-Duality and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. She is certified as a group facilitator and community and workplace traumatologist.

 

Photo: Pixabay

Editor: Dana Gornall

 

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