Buddha in the Gym

By Gerry Hōshō Rickard

I went back to the gym recently.

As I get older, it’s more difficult to build and keep muscle and strength, even with a regular yoga practice. So, a new gym programme was a must, as I hadn’t been for a year. The last time, thinking that I was younger than I was, I lifted too many weights too soon and gave myself a groin hernia.

Going back to the discipline of lifting weights, I quickly realised that the new gym programme wasn’t only going to be a test of my body, but also a real test of my practice. I kid you not, if you think everything is going smoothly on the cushion then try one of two things; spend some time with the in-laws or go back to the gym—then you will see how your practice is really going. Both will be the teachers who point out where you are and where you are stuck.

On the cushion it’s so easy to bask in what you think you have “achieved.”

‘Hey, I can sit for 30 minutes and not be disturbed by my thoughts. Aren’t I great?’

‘I can see that I no longer grasp onto things that I perceive as pleasant nor push away that which I perceive as unpleasant—I am living my life in total equanimity!’

‘I know that there is no fixed sense of self and that “I” don’t really exist—I am just a concept!’

‘I am such a mindful person in my daily life—I don’t judge!’

Well, all the above was completely blown out of the water halfway through my comeback session.

The First Noble Truth hit me square in the face.

Yes, I know that there is suffering right now. I’m feeling it in every muscle of my body! Unpleasant? It sure is, and I sure as hell want it to go away. Right now. And this is me who is hurting! Plain old Gerry himself. Who exists right here in the middle of all this punishment that I am exerting on myself (yes, this “self” that isn’t supposed to exist) and that I am feeling in every muscle of my body.

The Three Poisons of Greed, Hatred and Delusion are suddenly coursing through every molecule. Hatred of the extra weight that the trainer has put into my hands for the next set (and a little bit of hatred towards him too), the deluded mind thinking that I am getting somewhere with all of this, and the greed of wanting to have a “better” body.

And so much for being mindful. I am being judgmental, impatient, striving and not accepting all at the same time. As for letting go, well forget it. The only thing I want to let go of are these weights.

Thoughts which are often absent from meditation practice are now flooding my mind. Lifelong habitual reactions which I deemed as having disappeared, are once again rearing their ugly heads. The spacious awareness experienced on the cushion is now an ugly, tangled blob. And the time that doesn’t seem to exist when I sit has turned into an eternity after 10 minutes on the rowing machine. I am doing what I teach others not to do—firing the second arrow of suffering directly into my pain.

“If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha,” said Linji. The gym has certainly destroyed any Buddha I thought was within me. And so, back to the cushion.

But as the weeks unfold, something happens. I can slowly begin to see things for what they are again.

I begin to allow the weight training to unfold and become more aware of what I am experiencing.  I relax back into experiencing my breath, my posture, my effort and my thinking mind—everything that arises. My workout is becoming an opportunity to cultivate mindfulness.

Whatever goals I had set myself may be still there, but I begin to let go of any attachment to them. The craving egoistic, striving and comparing mind is beginning to relax. Instead, I begin to cultivate self-awareness and compassion for myself. It’s okay not to be able to do a 40kg bench press. I just do what I can without any judgment.

In this way, I am practicing the Zen teaching of Master Nansen—of ordinary mind being the way. The pain, sweat and discomfort of the gym becomes my practice. Instead of chopping wood and carrying water I am lifting dumbbells and curling EZ bars.

I’m like the monk who, after he said to Joshu, “please give me some teachings,” was asked by Joshu if he had eaten. When the monk replied that he had, Joshu said to him, “then you had better go and wash your bowl.” This is everyday mind as our practice. So I just do another set. In this way, practice isn’t just on the cushion in the confines of a silent room—it is found in the reality of what is here right in front of me.

Awakening, therefore, isn’t some mystical state achieved in a far-off future but something that is available in the life we live each day. As Shunryu Suzuki said, “we should find out the true meaning of life in our everyday life.”

A dharma gate can be right before you, if you are prepared to look for it. The dumbbells become my meditation cushion. The gym, my zendo.

 

Gerry Hōshō Rickard is an Irishman living in Mozambique. He has a master’s degree in teaching mindfulness from the University of Bangor in Wales, and now teaches, leads retreats and online sessions in Mozambique and beyond (www.mindwise.me). A practicing Zen Buddhist he received the precepts from Roshi Joan Halifax at the Upaya Zen Centre in Santa Fe. His articles are part of his way to attempt to live up to his dharma name, Hōshō, which means “voice of the dharma.”

 

 

Photo: Pixabay

Editor: Dana Gornall

 

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