I didn’t think I would make it after day two. But I pushed through, limiting climbing the stairs to three times every day plus absorbing the strain of a classical Soto schedule.

 

By Angel Roberto Puente

I once read that zen retreats are “parties for introverts.”

The Rohatsu sesshin, (a seven day intensive meditation retreat commemorating the Buddha’s Enlightenment) I attended from November 29 to December 6 actually ended in a singing and dancing celebration of the Buddha. But it wasn’t all lightness.

The sesshin was held in a wellness center in Mexico. The center is secluded and quiet and we were allowed to bring our spouses. A fantastic buffet of vegetarian food was provided for the three meals of the day.

I fell for the promotion, and wanting to keep my wife comfortable and happy took a suite with an ocean view. What I didn’t expect was that the rooms were built into the mountain- side and the room was at the top. A seemingly endless series of steep stairs and ramps had to be climbed to get to the room. I didn’t think I would make it after day two. But I pushed through, limiting climbing the stairs to three times every day plus absorbing the strain of a classical Soto schedule.

From 5:30 am to 8:40 pm the schedule was held like clockwork.

Every day there were eight 30 minute zazen sittings, six kinhin (walking meditation), three ritual services with bowing and chanting, two dharma talks, two work sessions and three mealtimes, for six and a half days. All in complete silence.

It had been more than 30 years since I last did something like this. That was in the Rinzai tradition which was completely Japanese in its schedule, including strict mealtime rituals of the “have you finished eating?, then wash your bowl” type. The retreats I had done recently were really one day sittings, a walk in the park.

Why submit to this? I would never recommend a sesshin to a beginner. Zazenkai (Japanese: come together to meditate) all day sittings is the limit a beginner should start with. Starting with half day sessions is even better. After doing this for a while and becoming confident in the ability to do it comfortably, it would be time to intensify practice. Unfortunately, some centers rush people through.

For me, this was a final challenge. I’ve been pondering how to be more active in sharing what I know. I enrolled in a training for taking action with the Zen Peacemakers starting in March 2026, but there was a deeper issue that had to be unraveled. The form this sharing would take was still unclear.

My dreams are lucid, and a recurring theme kept appearing.

I would be in a neighborhood I knew, in New York City or San Juan, Puerto Rico but I would get lost. My way out would be blocked or I would suddenly find myself in unknown surroundings. I blamed low blood sugar, until I decided to “get psychological” and asked the dream to explain itself. It immediately became clear that it was a reflection of the back and forth from Zen Buddhism to Christianity that was going on in my mind.

It was time to decide. No surprise, I would use a Christian format to teach zazen. The dreams stopped.

Sesshin was strenuous but this was nothing new for me. I continued doing what I’ve been doing since I was 17 years old.  Zazen is my way of life. My spiritual master, Bankei Yotaku liberated me from the cultish Zen that developed under many Japanese teachers including mine.

Bankei also provided the link to Christianity.

He taught that the Unborn, the perfect universal nature of the Mind, is the Spirit all humans have been given from birth. There is nothing to search for, we practice in recognition of this truth and to strengthen our resolve to abide in it.

I am sure of my understanding. My meetings with teachers have always been positive. I know we see eye to eye. Each teacher has his own way of expressing his understanding, but uses different words to say the same thing. I’ll use my own. The most useful to communicate with 85% of the population of the country where I live.

As Rumi wrote:

“Why think thus O men of piety

I have returned to sobriety

I am neither a Moslem nor a Hindu

I am not Christian, Zoroastrian, nor Jew

I am neither of the West nor the East

Not of the ocean, nor an earthly beast

I am neither a natural wonder

Nor from the stars yonder

Neither flesh of dust, nor wind inspire

Nor water in veins, nor made of fire

I am neither an earthly carpet, nor gems terrestrial

Nor am I confined to Creation, nor the Throne Celestial

Not of ancient promises, nor of future prophecy

Not of hellish anguish, nor of paradisiacal ecstasy

Neither the progeny of Adam, nor Eve

Nor of the world of heavenly make-believe

My place is the no-place

My image is without face

Neither of body nor the soul

I am of the Divine Whole.

I eliminated duality with joyous laughter

Saw the unity of here and the hereafter

Unity is what I sing, unity is what I speak

Unity is what I know, unity is what I seek

Intoxicated from the chalice of Love

I have lost both worlds below and above

Sole destiny that comes to me

Licentious mendicity

In my whole life, even if once

Forgot His name even per chance

For that hour spent, for such moment

I’d give my life, and thus repent

Beloved Master, Shams-e Tabrizi

In this world with Love I’m so drunk

The path of Love isn’t easy

(Rumi’s

Poem translated by Shahriar Shahriari)

 

Photo: Pixabay

Editor: Dana Gornall

 

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Do Not Try to Become a Buddha by Myozan Ian Kilroy {Book Review}

Meditation States vs Traits: Meditation as Training

 

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