The organizations making the most money off this are neither mindful nor demure. They’re just draining another well, and when it’s dry, it’ll be like it never happened. Even NASA and the White House have used the phrase, which I interpret as them shamelessly pandering to Zoomers. “Look, we’re hip!” as they sit backward in folding chairs. “Totes base, yo.”
By Johnathon Lee
“Very demure, very mindful.” ~ Jools Lebron
Are we being mindful if we’re trying to seem demure?
“Demure” hasn’t been this popular since the year 1850. Why is it trending now? It means, “Reserved, modest and shy.” The TikTokker Jools Lebron, who brought it back into the limelight, added that it’s, “Being considerate of the people around you, but also of yourself and how you present to the world.”
Since her August 2nd post, “Very mindful, very demure,” has spread like wildfire around the world. Her video offered tips on how to be down to Earth and navigate the working world.
Lebron was able to quit her retail job (ironically, the job she was getting ready for when she made her trending makeup video), and now she’s living the high life.
I’m genuinely happy for her. I’m glad whenever I hear about an ordinary person breaking free from drone life. However, now she’s entered a much bigger, filthier machine. She’s signed marketing deals with several companies, appeared on talk shows, and we’re seeing corporations eat up the idea like it’s candy on a dessert island, hoping to capitalize on the trend.
The organizations making the most money off this are neither mindful nor demure. They’re just draining another well, and when it’s dry, it’ll be like it never happened. Even NASA and the White House have used the phrase, which I interpret as them shamelessly pandering to Zoomers. “Look, we’re hip!” as they sit backward in folding chairs. “Totes base, yo.”
The funniest part is that Lebron was being ironic when she Tokked her immortal line.
It was a playful joke, yet we’re living in a strange time where the lines between sincerity and parody are hopelessly blurred. They’re even blurred in this post. Some people got the joke and they’re having fun with it; I’m more concerned about the ones who took it seriously.
Sexism is still alive and well. A lot of women who still feel pressured to meet patriarchal expectations. Those expectations are: be quiet, be modest, and do as you’re told. The video’s popularity can make it seem like the public still supports that message, and I’m sure that we’re going to see some people bullied because of it. “You’re wearing that? Be more demure and mindful, Becky.”
I’ll say it once: be yourself.
If you genuinely like being demure, quiet or even traditional, then go for it. If you don’t, then don’t. Please don’t mold yourself to how you want others to see you. You won’t know most of them in 10 years anyway. They can’t live for you. They can’t give you their happiness. Their acceptance and love will remind you of how you struggle with loving and accepting yourself. That’s where mindfulness comes in.
Commercialism, fads, ego and social anxiety aren’t what a 2,500 year old contemplative practice lead to. Mindfulness leads to not giving a fuck about those things, turning attention toward how they come about and whether they help or harm.
Being aware of how to treat others is part of mindfulness.
The goal is to be kind and respectful whenever we can. However, mindfulness has absolutely nothing to do with how you appear to others. That’s not mindfulness; that’s anxiety. That’s the pesky need to belong.
When we’re mindful, we’re paying attention to how we approach each experience. If I approach it this way, then that happens. If I approach it that way, then this happens. So, I’m going to approach it this way from now on. We’re mindful of how everything from posture to beliefs and attitude affect the state of our lives and the world.
If I put on makeup mindfully, I’d remember (remembering is the backbone of mindfulness) to focus on the firsthand sensations of the experience. Each tickle and caress; how I’m standing; how I’m situated in the room.
I’d also remember to watch my feelings and how they mix with thoughts, sensations, and intentions. “Am I doing this for the right reason? Am I putting on makeup out of fear of judgment and the need to be accepted? Am I doing it because I enjoy it and it expresses my creativity?” How I feel will reveal my answers.
Then, I can remember that everything is impermanent, and that I can’t control how other people see me or feel about me.
Even if I could, their feelings and views would change. Mine will too.
I don’t fault Lebron for not using “Mindful” like that. As far as I know, she hasn’t claimed to be a Buddhist or part of any contemplative practice, and that’s fine. She was using it in the usual way: be intentionally aware. Buddhism doesn’t own “Mindful.” It’s a translation of “Sati,” so we can’t really criticize others for using it in its everyday way.
Yet, as usual, big business seized on the word again, just like they did a few years ago. I have no doubt that we’ll be seeing “Demure Burgers” soon, marketed with, “Made mindfully from black beans grown in an organic sacred forest. Buddha approved!” That was parody, FYI. #PostModernismIsConfusing.
Please, I beg of you, don’t buy any of it. If you like the phrase, get creative and work it into your own projects. You can make your own shirts and decals without supporting the very deranged, very mindless.
Also, screw this, “Move over Brat Summer, say hello to Demure Autumn,” nonsense. That’s dumb. Trends are dumb, and if you think they’re not, then we can’t be friends.
You do you, Boo. Let others do them. Make your own way.
@joolieannie
Photo: Pixabay
Editor: Dana Gornall
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