Not Happy? Change What You're Doing

Often in life when things are hard, we don’t change what we’re doing. We don’t try to handle problems in different ways. We just keep coming at it over and over in the exact same way.

 

By Daniel Scharpenburg

 

My kids fight with each other.

They’re three years apart and they’ve had quite a struggle over the last few years. I hear a lot of, “He’s being annoying!” and “She’s yelling at me!” and “I want him to stop looking at me!” and “I don’t like the way she’s dancing at me!”

I imagine a lot of parents of multiple kids experience this sometimes.

There’s a wide range of things they do, from the trivial to physically harming each other. “I didn’t hit him, I just tapped him.” (why would ‘tapping him’ be okay?)

“It was an accident.”

Anyway, the worst is when they fight in the car.

I’m driving them around and they’re in the backseat. They look for things to fight about and they don’t like being so close to each other. They can instantly get annoyed with each other and start yelling, which creates an abundance of distraction for me, the driver. Sometimes they want me to get involved in their conflicts. Other times they’re just loudly arguing. Whether they ask me to get involved or not it’s stressful though.

I ask questions like, “Why can’t you just leave each other alone for the next 10 minutes?”

And sometimes things are really frustrating. There are times when one kid is complaining about something trivial the other is doing. Sometimes I will say, “Hey, if what you’re doing is annoying to someone else and it’s not something important…can you change what you’re doing?”

Just that.

“Change what you’re doing please.”

While I don’t want to encourage nitpicking another kid’s behavior, I think we can also try to learn how to be considerate and not try to irritate each other on purpose. Sometimes it works when I say that, other times it doesn’t. But I really like it.

Change what you’re doing is a good phrase. It’s something we can do when things are going wrong. It’s the advice I give to my kids and I’m wondering if I can apply to my own life too.

Often in life when things are hard, we don’t change what we’re doing. We don’t try to handle problems in different ways. We just keep coming at it over and over in the exact same way.

We tell ourselves things like, “I’m bad at relationships.” “I hate my job.” “I wish I wasn’t so angry all the time.”

And maybe we could ask ourselves regularly: Can I change what I’m doing?

 

Often in life when things are hard, we don’t change what we’re doing. We don’t try to handle problems in different ways. ~ Daniel Scharpenburg Click To Tweet

 

Photo: Pixabay

Editor: Dana Gornall

 

 


 

Did you like this post? You might also like:

Inside the Chaos.

By Tanya Tiger   “To experience peace does not mean that your life is always blissful. It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life.” ~ Jill Bolte Taylor When I found this quote it really hit home...

Parenting with Right Intention {The Eightfold Path}

  By J. G. Lewis   Most, or many, of us are born into parenthood. We don’t think of it in our younger days. We might talk about it as we get older, but then it just happens. Then---regardless of all you have experienced---you realize...

Tomorrow Will Be 24 Brand New Hours.

  By Michelleanne Bradley   I inhale and stretch my arms up over my head, taking deep breaths---in through my nose, out through my mouth. I find myself driven into practice as though my heart were on fire. I seek the silence, the rhythmic rise and fall of my...

Good Men with Guns.

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="yes" overflow="visible"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" background_position="left top" background_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" spacing="yes" background_image=""...

Comments

comments

Daniel Scharpenburg

Daniel lives in Kansas City. He runs Fountain City Meditation. Daniel is a Zen Priest and Meditation Teacher. He believes that meditation teachings can be shared with a little more simplicity and humility than we often see. He has been called "A great everyman teacher" and "Really down-to-earth." Daniel is affiliated with the Dharma Winds Zen Sangha, where he received ordination in 2018.

Find out more about Daniel here and connect with him on Facebook

Latest posts by Daniel Scharpenburg (see all)

(Visited 156 times, 1 visits today)