By Christine Suero
I have come to know the spirit that lives in me in both good and bad times.
I have looked up at the sky in the middle of a summer day in Washington DC at a time when I was head over heels in love and God was there. Time stood still, the clouds parted and I saw the rays of divinity shining through. It is a lovely memory of two lovers in love, playfully strolling through Washington DC’s National Park, snapping pictures in front of historic monuments.
The sun was warm; we wore matching straw hats and we made the most of my short quick stay. Our long distance love was not an easy task to bear but we continued to pursue each other anyway. July 14th was his birthday and I could not think of a more gratifying place to be.
I was celebrating the life of another being—a being that brought me so much joy. He mounted me on his shoulders and walked me to the car like a queen. I was having the time of my life and only hoped that I was giving him all that he was gifting me.
When we are in love it seems that we walk out on our brightest days. Besides being on a plane I was the closest to the clouds that I had ever been and therefore closer to God through my kin.
Things however, did change and a few months later our passionate love came to fade. The magic that brought us twice together seemed to vanish once again.
Since our second parting, not a day went by that I didn’t think about him, dream about him, wonder if he was well—if he was happy, better or worse without me. Was I just an old memory or did he still hold me dear? I questioned and resisted it all until I realized that I was doing more harm than good.
Now standing on the other side of love which was pain, I found myself in the presence of God—again.
To God, I turned and I learned that all is just as it needs to be. This moment, this space and the even greater distance between my lover and I is what is and what shall remain to be. I chose to deepen my faith and I miraculously fell into the grace.
I did not fall easily though.
I kicked, I screamed, I cried (a lot) but I finally made it to the other side. God was there through my season of love and then I found God again in my season of pain. It was only after I trucked through the pain that I was able to connect with some peace and you wouldn’t believe what I else I discovered—more love! It was the love of self and the realization of the love that this miraculous universe has for me.
These were the very thoughts, feelings and words that traveled through my mind and out from my fingertips. Through them I have been released from captivity. I no longer feel the need to cast blame. I speak out, I live for today and remember that love always finds a way. Sure, I loved him and had hoped for a different outcome but here I am and I would not have it any other way because through the experience I was able to discover my true self.
As I continued on this journey, I also learned that happiness is not something that can be attained, it can only be lived.
Happiness is the light that lives inside each and every one of us. It can’t really be defined as one definition, because every individual’s happiness is subjective to their likes and dislikes. Like love, happiness is an active choice and if not made every day it will surely slip away.
Think of a light switch.
When we want to illuminate a room without thought we turn the light switch on. Conversely, when it’s time for bed or we are leaving a space we automatically turn the light switch off. If we also think back to a time where we barge in on a family member in the bathroom to either brush our teeth while they showered or to grab some makeup; often, right before we leave the space we are innately conditioned to turn off the light. It is clear to see that though we may be conditioned to do something, it does not mean it’s what is necessary for that moment.
We live out these same on and off conditions in all aspects of our lives. When things go wrong we automatically want to turn that light switch off but if we truly want to remain happy we must keep it on. By keeping the light on regardless of what happens to us we break past conditions and allow the experiences of life to grow us.
Just like a seed that is planted in the soil it needs both the darkness and the light from the sun to break open and blossom into its true form.
I challenge you to make new conditions that will aide in your blossoming. Keep the light on when you want to shut down and cry, be kind to those that reject you and give love when you are hurting the most.
We are so accustomed to shut down when we are afraid and cast others out when we are hurt.
We need to rewire our brains and bodies to live out healthier practices. We also have to learn to make space for everything to arise in our lives. When we make space—-we make time for things. We don’t act out irrationally and we move forth from a place of understanding and love.
Make space for the wounds
Make space for the praises
Make space and welcome all that life has to bring
When you make space and allow things to flow in and out of your life
You find that you are
And will always be in a positive place
So, make space for all that is to come
When you make space in your life you can savor the good times longer and know that it is okay to fully feel pain during the bad times. It’s a balancing act that needs to take place. We just have to remind our bodies that it is okay to feel. Instead of resisting pain and failure if we choose to accept and embrace it, we will find that we transcend it.
I have always been the type of person to say and show how I feel. Screw the sleeve—I wear my heart right across my forehead, which I proudly call a five head, not just because it’s big, but because it needs more room to display all the love I have in my heart.
And this is what life is all about. We need to learn to unapologetically be who we are.
I encourage each of you to learn from your flaws and then find the beauty in them. Fight for your dreams and passions and no matter what, never stop loving. Be kind to nature, love thy neighbor and love yourself. A greater power has set desires in our hearts and will grant us the power to fully realize those dreams.
We must work towards them but also release how they come to pass because it is only through divine timing that we will receive what is rightfully ours.
Release your dreams and fears to the wind
Allow them to travel through time and space
Drop your doubts into the ocean
And let your heavy burdens anchor to the depths of the sea
Whisper your secrets to the plants and trees and watch as they continue to thrive abundantly Travel to the core of your being
Reach for what lives within
Keep discovering yourself
For what is true
Can be found nowhere else
But inside of you
This post was first published on Rebelle Society.
Christine Suero is a native Brooklynite and proud Latina of Dominican descent. She graduated from the University at Albany with a degree in Business Administration. Last year she had the opportunity to tour colleges as a member of Black Latina and couldn’t be happier to be performing again this August in NYC. Currently, she is working on an original webseries called What is Love? which will be released in the Fall. She has had gracious experiences producing, acting & writing and serves as co-founder for the Carrick Bend Theatre Co. Christine also wrote, starred and co-produced her award winning one woman show A Little Sugar for the Heart which was inspired by her comedic Dominican family. The women in her life continue to serve as role models & daily inspirations for both her acting and writing. In life, everything may change but love is at the root of everything Christine does.
Editor: Dana Gornall