By Debbie Lynn

Good ego, bad ego: a noun and an adjective.

I often hear or read the expression “kill the ego”, and I have wondered just how one accomplishes that without going to jail and or committing suicide? So to take this to a different level (not literally), we have to break our ego down deeply, truthfully and mindfully—perhaps starting here with a definition:


Typically the meaning of ego gets attached to the arrogant, the nasty and the messy side of people. It is the blame for poor and unsavory delivered words and actions, then it becomes alive—as it comes to life, it also becomes a viable target to try to “kill” or get rid of that dark side of us, literally.

But as far as I know, elimination of one half of our being is simply not plausible.

No matter how much we try, we have our yin and yang; we are human. Good cannot be good without bad. White cannot be white without black and the gray would all but disappear.

The point here is not to try and separate our self from our self—the beautiful and ugly, ego. It/we are all connected. All of it. That is the wonderment of life, connectivity and being able to love and respect all that is not so nice to all that is lovely.

When I am told, “Oh, that is just your ego talking,” my response is to say, “No, that is just me talking. I am my ego.” The reaction to this is the blank or a disheartened face staring at me, followed by the look of uncertainty. You may know this one: the tilted head, like the look a dog gives us when it is unsure. 

I go on to explain. My ego is not a separate entity or some mysterious unknown creature that has taken over my mind. Make no mistake, whatever has transpired in my head, then shot out of my mouth and into thin air was contrived by me, Miss Ego, good bad or indifferent.

My ego/your ego is simply us, you and I, being ourselves as derived by our parents the Great Mother Earth and Father Sky for our egotistical ways and this is where is all gets so twisted.

Bear with me.

egotistical |ˌēgəˈtistikəl|
excessively conceited or absorbed in oneself; self-centered: he’s selfish, egotistical, and arrogant.

The ego vies only for itself to survive, to reproduce and die again and again; the process of life and death is in fact, selfish and giving; fierce and calm, and aren’t we all a product of nature?

Most everyone loves to commune in and with nature, animals and beyond. It is romanticized, glorified and admired yet very few equate the romantic side with the very, very violent and ugly side of this place we call home. It is wildly exotic, heavy, laden with things that spark and repel our imagination. Spiritually, religiously or scientifically there is the alter-ego (the yin/yang) within it all. There is an agenda.

Do you think good people that do good things do not have an ego? Of course they do. Their ego affords them to be productive, helpful, and inspiring and in the end, that is the motivation.

So as we are—our self, our ego—all our thoughts, words and deeds are comprised with an expected outcome: there is always a motive, good or bad, it doesn’t matter. If what we “do” is done for selfish reasons, it is egotistical. If what we “do” is done in selflessness, it is still egotistical.

Our ego can be used very lovingly and effectively as well as driving the opposite.  It is all a matter of intention.

“The ego is nothing other than the focus of conscious attention.” ~ Alan Watts

In the end, whether we admit it or not, every action has something to do with our ego and how we think we are perceived by others and what the pay off will be.

Anyone who says they are not doing things for themselves is only fooling their egotistical mind. There is a reason for every action and we all know this on a very deep and personal level. The sooner we can admit this aloud, the freer, cleaner and more truthful we become.

Being content with our ego propels wisdom, acceptance, and tolerance to all things. It is like seeing a long lost friend again; the one we lost as a child when we were told it was a bad thing. The one we buried right next to our imaginary friend, our honest truths, and an open curious mind.

Don’t try to kill it, be it. Don’t try to hide it, embrace it.

Working with our inner parameters, our ego, on a higher level is knowing, understanding and loving our enemy—the self, good and bad—as much as we know and love our family and fiends. Walking our talk even when we trip up, and owning that we are who we are, striving for betterment as a noun and an adjective.

I am, we are, our ego self.


Debbie LynnDebbie Lynn realized at a very young age that the outer reality was a far cry from her inner truth and meeting her inner wisdom head on always turned into a challenge. The wonderment, curiosity and hypocrisy of life led to exploration and a cumulative documentation (art and journaling) of what she lovingly calls “the purge”. It is her way of ridding any negative energy from the daily grind. She says, “In essence, it is a way to start fresh and cleanse the soul.” Debbie has had numerous articles published with elephant journal, The Edge Magazine and Simple Steps Real Life Magazine. Her daily posts can be found on Facebook.

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Editor: Alicia Wozniak