darkest nights


By Deb Avery

In today’s world of seeing the glass half full mentality, it is often difficult for us to acknowledge the days when the glass is half empty, much less the days when we feel don’t even have a glass.

Trying to always be effervescent and bubbly takes tremendous energy. It will actually pull our energy reserves down and cause us to feel isolated, depressed and sad.

Instead of hiding our emotions of grief, depression, feelings of doubt, or sadness, we need to learn to accept them. By accept, I don’t mean wallow.

Wallowing is giving power to these emotions and states of being. Accepting means to “be with what is” in a way that is neither positive, nor negative.

It’s a way of being grateful that you have a glass.

Here in the West, we have been so conditioned to equate the negative—or darker parts of our psyche—as being bad, when in reality they simply are. No one can go through life without being unhappy or sad at times. The whole Universe is a balance of of positive/negative, good/bad, happy/sad and light/dark. You do not have to search far to see this balance. Day and night is a constant and daily reminder.

But really, would you want 24 hours of daylight with no darkness? I would greatly miss the moon and stars in the black, velvety night sky, the coolness of it’s touch on my face and the sounds of all the night creatures.

Without the “negative” emotions and times in our life, we would not be able to grow and learn, to be as compassionate and kind, or to be deeply graceful. It is through our struggles, our bouts of loneliness and—yes, sometimes even despair—that we grow and build our emotional muscles.

Would we even be able to appreciate the brighter times in our lives without these darker days?

I think not. We might still be grateful, but we would lack the clarity and grace to truly, deeply, appreciate how wonderful these times truly are.

When you are faced with difficult times, do not turn away.

Sit. Breathe. Be with them.

They are our teachers and they will benefit us if we will not turn away. It is okay to feel them. It is more than okay, it is necessary to living a genuine, authentic life. Only if we are willing to sit and be with these emotional states, will we learn how to heal the wounds from the events that caused them. It is necessary, messy, and commendable work.

Anyone can be with the positive emotions, but it takes courage and grace to stay with the negative ones until we understand them, heal them and move on to happier, fuller lives.

Learn to be with comfortable with the darker nature of life. It is not good or bad, it simply is.         



Deb Storm RaineDeb Avery lives in the Southern United States with her animals, surrounded by mighty oaks and woodlands. Nature is her teacher. She is an avid gardener, reader of books, lover of all beings and also has been referred to as a “bit of a weird one,” which she takes as a compliment. Having lived in many diverse places, including several years abroad, she has learned first hand that deep inside we are all one and the same. Her goal is to reach out to others who feel different, lonely, afraid and misunderstood. She feels that if one person is helped by something she has written, then that in itself is more than reason enough to write.



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Editor: Dana Gornall



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