Most dukkha (suffering) comes from an unhealthy relationship with our minds. We chase certain emotions and push others away. We cling to one idea and shun the rest. The real harm comes from thinking we’re separate from our minds. We are our minds. Or, really, our minds make us.
By Johnathon Lee
Letting go plays a significant role in many religions, especially Buddhism.
Everyone discusses how to let go, but few talk about the right and wrong ways to do it. Letting go is a tool, and like any tool, it can help or harm. When it harms, we usually misuse it or use the wrong tool. You wouldn’t make a vase with a sledgehammer or hammer a nail with a toothpick.
You can try, but it won’t work out well.
The Danger of Detachment
Some people let go of almost everything. “Whatever comes must go,” prompts them to push everything away before they lose it, believing that a life without suffering is the goal. This attitude can destroy families, end friendships, hinder careers, and prevent the formation of healthy goals. It might feel good, but it resembles depression. What we do impacts us more than what we feel, and different feelings can cause the same action.
Detachment is Temporary
Emotional detachment signals that our journey isn’t over; we’re just taking a breather. Huangbo called this state “Illusion City.” It feels blissful, tranquil, and pure, but it’s also fake. Humans are human. The point isn’t to be superhuman; it’s to be humane.
The Metacognitive Aspect of Letting Go
Letting go remains incomplete until we let go of the act itself. It’s like thinking about a thought or being conscious of consciousness. Metacognition is where our real work happens. Buddhism isn’t cognitive-behavioral therapy. We don’t change our thoughts and feelings; we change our relationship with them.
Our Relationship with Our Minds
Most dukkha (suffering) comes from an unhealthy relationship with our minds. We chase certain emotions and push others away. We cling to one idea and shun the rest. The real harm comes from thinking we’re separate from our minds.
We are our minds. Or, really, our minds make us.
That’s another way to understand the not-self (anatta) teachings and another meaning for the Zen cliché that Dharma transmits from mind to mind. Enlightenment creates a healthy relationship between you and yourself, changing the way you act.
True Letting Go
“Letting go” is an idea that bubbles up from a state of mind. When we truly let go, we release that mood and our need for it. Then, we just live our lives. We love our loved ones and grieve when they leave. We might swear when we burn our hand on the toaster and delight in our favorite songs.
The difference is that we don’t linger, and when we do, we don’t linger on the fact that we’re lingering. This approach is the opposite of dissociation; it’s full immersion. It’s being engaged with ordinary life.
The Impact of Presence
That’s what others need from us. They need us to be here. This naturally makes the world a better place for everyone. Most of the madness we see on the news comes from people being absent from their own worlds. They become detached, lost in thought, pushed around by their own fantasies.
Nations, religions, utopias, racism, sexism and homophobia all stem from thinking outside of immediacy. All beliefs dwell outside of the moment as selected memories haphazardly string together into a counterfeit continuum that we mistake for our lives.
When we’re present, when we’ve let go of holding on and letting go, that vanishes. Then, we can finally distinguish reality from illusion.
Until then, it’s safe to say that we’re full of shit.
We cling to one idea and shun the rest. The real harm comes from thinking we’re separate from our minds. ~ Johnathon Lee #buddhism #lettinggo #mindful Share on X
Photo: Pixabay
Editor: Dana Gornall
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