
At some point, not fitting in became a comfort zone. Of course, the idea of “not fitting” here seems to undermine this entirely. Here’s the thing, though, “not fitting” is kind of my jam. For most of my life, I have carried around angst about not belonging, whether in my family, my community, or even in my profession.
By Claire Parsons
Do you ever have experiences where you do a thing and, even as you doing it, you have no clue why?
I’m not talking about situations involving alcohol or drugs, though that might be a decent analogy to what I am describing. Instead, I am talking about times when you are stone cold sober and decide to do something intuitively before your brain figures out why.
Sometimes when this happens it can feel like an alien force takes control and starts calling the shots. Your inner voice may offer a plaintiff “WTF?” but you still don’t hit the brakes. This was my experience when I sent a pitch to contribute a column for the Tattooed Buddha.
Why am I here?
Objectively and externally, you could make a strong argument that I don’t belong here. I have no tattoos. My ears can’t even tolerate piercings (trust me I have tried). I have zero cool band t-shirts and I bet we’d even disagree about what counts as a “cool band.”
And here’s the worst part: I’m a lawyer.
Most people who aren’t lawyers hate that part and even any lawyers out there may be thinking, “ugh, gross.”
Now, if you are the kind and generous sort, you may be thinking, “Oh, it’s sweet. This soulless lawyer is into meditation, and she just needs a creative outlet.” But this idea only makes the whole situation less sensible. In fact, I am into meditation. I have meditated for a decade and started teaching about five years ago.
I do need a creative outlet. One thing meditation taught me is that my mind is super good at coming up with words and I need somewhere to put them.
But, I have a place to put them! I have my own blog, Brilliant Legal Mind, and I have written two books. I expect more will come because the words keep emerging and, to be honest, I need a place to put them. I apologize in advance if any of my words end up clogging up your brain.
I started writing and cannot stop.
Do you get now why I am confused about why I am here? I don’t really need an extra place to write. I am busy as it is (I still practice law, manage my own blog, and, oh yeah, I am a mom too). I don’t entirely fit with the overall theme. These are all good reasons to not take on another project, but I ignored them all. Why?
Since I initiated this line of thought, now I suppose I am responsible for closing it.
“Why” still feels a bit elusive, so let’s start instead with “how.” When I first started writing things that weren’t legal articles or work for clients, it was hard to give myself permission to follow new ideas. Over time, though, I learned to trust myself when a new idea took hold. When I saw a post soliciting new writers, I felt a surge of energy and just acted on it.
Only in retrospect did I think about why, but I found that all the reasons that seemed to indicate the prospect did not make sense really showed it did.
Sure, I have too much to do. I’m a lawyer. That’s always true. Having too much to do entirely on your own, though, is way harder than having too much to do with a team. At least that’s what I tell myself. Blogging can be a source of community and it can sometimes feel lonely. Though I enjoy the freedom to write whatever and whenever I choose, the opportunity to write for a collective was enticing.
At some point, not fitting in became a comfort zone.
Of course, the idea of “not fitting” here seems to undermine this entirely. Here’s the thing, though, “not fitting” is kind of my jam. For most of my life, I have carried around angst about not belonging, whether in my family, my community, or even in my profession.
One reason mindfulness helped me so much was that it helped me stop caring so much about fitting in—or at least it helped me see that sameness-blending in-and belonging weren’t the same thing.
When I got over my initial levels of anxiety about being seen for who I was, I was able to start being who I really am. Part of this process meant getting past surface-level fears and judgments about myself, other people, and life in general. Lots of people now ask me how I make teaching mindfulness, writing, and practicing law, fit. Perhaps it is because of my copious life experience feeling like I don’t fit in, but I am comfortable with this question. In fact, it is one of my favorites.
To some it might feel like a challenge when someone says, “hey, your life doesn’t appear to make sense.” But as a teacher of mindfulness, a writer, and frankly a lawyer, I know that curiosity is a great place to build new connections. Cognitive dissonance can lead to surprise and force us to open our minds. This can inspire us to look more closely at how things can fit, and how we can fit in a given context.
Here’s how I plan to not fit in here.
On this blog, you’ve been reading about ways that Buddhism, a system of thought established centuries ago, fits with your life. I have the same goal. I teach mindfulness and compassion so that lawyers and professionals see them in a way that is relevant to them. My challenge is to transcend mere stress management or feeling better, but also encourage doing better for themselves and the world.
To that end, my column, The Bodhisattva of Power Suits, will focus primarily on work-related issues. I may also offer pieces relating to other things I love as well, including writing, cooking, and raising my two girls. I hope you will join me and read along.
Maybe together we can figure out why we are here.
Read more of Claire’s writing on her blog here.
Photo: Pixabay
Editor: Dana Gornall
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