By Sophie Gregoire
Such a majestic word. So many distinct meanings for us all, and still always circled with a bunch of fairy expectations we’ve designed since we were children.
Love and its usual traps and misunderstandings. Love, and the way that, progressively, this word tends to become a source of inner-conflicts when we start getting afraid and feeling strangled by love—by the daily commitment, constancy and sometimes constraints it seems to require from us. When we start asking ourselves, if in the end, love could do nothing but excessively bind us to another being.
Prevent us from breathing.
Those are the fears of some people.
The trouble comes when we except too much from love. We want it to be all. We want it to reconcile concepts we believe to be opposed, such as attachment and freedom.
That’s why some of us make extreme choices.
Some of us actually decide to see love as a spiritual link that may exist and cheer our hearts up even from afar, or even without getting involved in any steady relationship. For those, love could only be about feeling some strength and tenderness coming from the connection they have or have had with some other souls; even if those are not there, even if the two haven’t been or aren’t “a couple” anymore.
Connected hearts that were once close enough, at some point and somewhere, have made our lovers feel enough. That is how when in need for love or affection, they feel comfortable with being alone and drawing from their memories.
This is just like looking at sparkling stars in a blue night sky, and feeling the beauty and harmony that flees out of them, touching us deep down, to our hearts, even if we can’t catch them or feel their light in-between our fingers. Or kiss their skin. Those that still shine on us, still show the way, from somewhere high and bright.
But there is a middle-ground, between being strangled by love, and living forever-alone-in-the-land-of-freedom.
Love can be where we find our energy and strength—a shared home, where we come back to focus on ourselves. It can be a cocoon in life, a shelter when it’s battle-time.
Love isn’t being always two separate beings in the world. Love is sometimes breathing the same air, and sometimes not. Love is both holding presence and absence of the tangible, but constant symbiosis of the hearts.
Love is space. Space for each. In the bubbles of space and wanderings we are allowed to experiment; we get to find our own inner peace.
We grow our own interests and feed our own souls.
This, also can come back as a richer experience for two—a richer and happier shared home. If we let the other one evolve and grow, the shared home of our love gets more fertile. More creative. More open to the world and to outside energies.
In aerial pages of lovers, blanks are not the endings. With space, we honor each other in a deeper way. We let each one discover (on his own journey) who they each are. We don’t fondle the superficial. We accept and embrace the core, the growing truth of the one we care for.
Love is understanding.
Love is saying yes to the new. Embracing change—our own change and our loved one’s. Love is never trying to limit or control, but letting it be without fear.
Love is neither wings nor a cage. Love is an everyday and lifetime adventure. Love is saying yes to you all. The one you are today. The one you may become in a few years time.
Yes, to the darkness you may unveil through time. Yes, to your future mistakes. Yes, to the former ones. Yes, to the foolishness of your heart—the one I know, the one I’ll read in a few letter’s time. Yes, to all your lights. Yes, to the hidden shadows.
Love is saying yes to a shared ride on the life roller coaster. In each of life’s adventures, love is the questions. But, do we need answers? Love is mystery. And we love it that way.
At heart, love is one of life’s greatest journey. Yes, a shared one. The path of two embracing, living roads.
But love is more than this.
The more I walk through life, the more I figure out that love does actually start with loving oneself. No, that’s not being selfish. That is just acknowledging that, our relationships aren’t really likely to work out until we begin listening to ourselves, until we fall in love with our own beings and start creating our way to be here, in this world.
I’ve noticed that we start to attract to people that feel like home—that may become our kindred souls—when we start walking on our own roads. When we start to be truly happy with our lives. With no lies.
Falling in love with oneself allows us to breathe alone but together. To be both still one being, but moving forward in a car of two. To be two beings in life yet with independence, with our own things and escapes.
So yes, our greatest relationships may start with the most beautiful, love story ever—tolerant, and full of hopes and uncertainties. The one with our own selves.
Sophie Gregoire is a thinker. You may often find her with a new idea or a new concept to explain, holding a notebook and pencil. Also found reading and writing, she is more than anything, an independent soul. She enjoys traveling and getting lost in new places, namely in Asia. She says it helps understanding our worlds, its people and the humankind. She loves writing to transform her endless thoughts into some kind of reality, and to keep the little piece of sanity she still has! She savors coffee, encounters, Yoga and meditation, and cats… while her own cat is her greatest muse!
Feature photo: Bansky
Editor: Dana Gornall