By Debbie Lynn
As we plant the seed into the fertile soil, it grows.
In the womb, the connectivity between a mother and child is undeniable. Although contained in one body, there are two hearts beating, two souls melding, and two minds working together We are in fact only one unit.
But the minute the cord is cut, separation begins. This doesn’t mean there is not interdependence; it means a miracle of nature has occurred–a child is born–and that miracle is destined to be free.
But freeing our minds to free the children is one of the hardest, yet most important things we must learn as parents. We don’t own our children—we don’t own anybody–so the term “mine” must be considered in the broader view. Children are blessings, brilliant creations, and very, very unique and pliable individual souls.
“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, they belong not to you.” ~ Khalil Gibran
When we can understand this and instill it in our hearts with wisdom of the ages, we are giving the gift of unattached love to the beautiful souls we bring into this place we call home.
Mine, mine, mine
We all place ownership on the people we know and love, and how incredibly natural and selfish this is. But for the child trying to discern possession, “mine” can be a direct line to confusion and attachment. Conflicting information is a constant for young minds, but “mine” (when coupled with family, friends etc.) is contradictory to their uninhibited ways. The child grows up believing that relationships inherently mean proprietorship.
With this kind of mindset, emotional separation is difficult and we manufacture co-dependence as the child is trying to break out, be free and learn independence. They get weighed down with possession.
This carries over into all facets of our life via friendship, partnership, work relations and romance. In essence, the burden of “mine” creates an extra amount of laborious responsibility that is not only a mental misfit, but creates resentment in the long run. No one wants to be “kept”and no one has the right to try to keep anyone under his or her thumb.
Do as I say, not as I do
This sentiment is the perfect example of contradiction. How does a child discern? We say: “We know better; it is for their own good and safety.”
But is it?
After children are born, parents turn into control freaks and this “control” is infused on them the name of love, which is a bitter pill to swallow. Most children catch on to the falsity of this premise at a very young age, yet we dismiss their knowing. It threatens our power and it is on some level hard to believe and hard to grasp that the babes in arms can really understand the mind games we play. But they do. Don’t get it twisted.
So it is so very important to honor them, and their knowledge. It is there in their hearts and every time we are dishonest with them, every time we pull the “I know better card” we diminish a bit of their intuition, trust and confidence. When we don’t walk our talk they learn not to trust. Not a good precedent in a world that truly desires truth.
“It takes a village”
What I have to say about this saying is “AMEN” and I am not a religious person.
We need the influence of our elders, of culture, of friends and family to seep deeply into our domain to touch the children. Exposing them to as much diversity as possible helps them see beyond what is contained in the home they live. We all tend to get so wrapped up in our own little world we forget to utilize our resources.
Having multiple voices in raising children is somewhat frowned upon these days, but it is truly a gift to a child to be beholden to another view and to receive guidance from an outside source. This begins to prepare them for the reality that every tribe or family has a unique perspective and different ways to live. It shows them far more diversity, opens the portals to questions and broadens their minds as they prepare to fly. It also brings us full circle, impressing upon them that respect for our self and others is found in the give and take, and is one of the most important tools for inner confidence and satisfaction.
A simple cosmic rule: Giving reverence to all (show kindness) whether we agree or disagree makes life flow, and most children already know this.
Children are sponges
They pick up the dirt as well as the cleanliness of the world around them. It is so important to talk to them with peace. Talk to them appropriately, truthfully and eye-to-eye. Never belittle their hearts, their emotions and their curiosity. Simply acknowledge that these small fragile souls depend on our ability to guide them to betterment with love and maturity.
If you think they don’t get our energy, our vibration, our happiness and our sadness you are very much mistaken. They take it all in, they try to process it and usually take the blame not only for our pain but other people’s as well. Again, the ownership idea flowers but in a toxic bloom that simply poisons the heart and soul.
Love doesn’t hurt
It is so very hard to explain love so showing, doing, and being love is a better solution rather than a verbal explanation. I think it is important to teach young children that love doesn’t hurt us—because love is not a thing—and there are so many different kinds of love.
To recover from events that hurt us deeply and have left huge holes in our heart is difficult at best. Many adults have a hard time achieving this and these hurts take years to recover from. Actions and feelings attached to past hurts such as disappointment, deception, anger and lies are not a function of love. This is why there are so many wounded souls.
So to teach children love at the basic root, is to teach them that love is laced with the good and the bad, wrapped up with a lot of giggles and that life will in fact, echo all of this. Because when practicing inner peace, it reflects and makes the hard days a bit more bearable. Children who are surrounded by stable, confident, and happy people can tolerate the tough times much better.
Parenting is the hardest, most rewarding thing we will ever do, and it is also a huge responsibility. Remember: trial by error, and no one is perfect. Don’t try to be that one because as I said earlier, children see our transparency.
Unless they are shown differently, that is all that children ask for
Debbie Lynn realized at a very young age that the outer reality was a far cry from her inner truth and meeting her inner wisdom head on always turned into a challenge. The wonderment, curiosity and hypocrisy of life led to exploration and a cumulative documentation (art and journaling) of what she lovingly calls “the purge”. It is her way of ridding any negative energy from the daily grind. She says, “In essence, it is a way to start fresh and cleanse the soul.” Debbie has had numerous articles published with elephant journal, The Edge Magazine and Simple Steps Real Life Magazine. Her daily posts can be found on Facebook.
Editor: Sherrin Fitzer
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