By Ruth Lera
All of us are wise.
We are wiser than most of us could even possibly realize.
We have had a wealth of life experience and we know so much—maybe even too much.
We have a wealth of information about what makes the world tick.
And we have a wealth of information about what makes ourselves tick.
Sometimes we are confused, but most of the time if we dig deep enough we know just we need to do to feel good, but the problem is most of the time this knowledge doesn’t matter.
We just go ahead anyway doing all the things we know hurt us and we procrastinate making the choices that we know will make us feel connected, healthy and centered.
And this is okay.
No, really, it is more than okay.
It is actually perfect just the way it is. This is what it really means to accept it all and have compassion for everything—just as it is.
Because you know that feeling when someone gives you advice and it is good advice, but it feels horrible to hear? You know what it feels like the person is saying, “I know better than you,” and “If you just did it my way you’d see I’m right?”
Well, most of the time this is what we’re doing to ourselves.
We’re second-guessing our choices and looking for the ways we’ve failed. We’re seeing all the alternatives that we could have chosen in any situation and considering how those choices might have put us in a better situation.
And you know what? This is a huge joy-kill.
All that work we do towards mindfulness—towards trying to be in the moment—shot down dead by this sense that there is a different way to be and a better way to be doing everything that we’re doing.
So, maybe you’d like to join me in what I’m going to do about all this giving advice to myself and thinking I need to be different.
I am going to stop.
I am going to stop expecting myself to change and be different. Instead I am just going to be in each moment as it is.
And some of these moments are going to include being mindful, eating healthy, getting exercise, using compassionate communication and putting myself first.
But a lot of these moments are going to include emotional eating, resentment, being a martyr and getting easily frustrated.
And why would I want it any different?
All of these moments (all of them!) make up the texture and depth of my experience and the closer I pull them in to me the more I can experience my life.
All of my life!
And really, who says any of my advice is worth following, anyways.
Ruth Lera is the friend you turn to when your world has gone all topsy-turvy. Not because she tells you it’s all going to be alright but because she reassures you that not being alright is just part of the whole process of being human. And she might even give you some ideas about how to feel better, too. Find her at her website, her Facebook page or Twitter.
Editor: Dana Gornall