By Indira Grace
When I close my eyes, I can see the dance of the universe.
I see the energy of those around me moving in and out of my energy field, and mine doing the same within theirs. I see us giving and receiving, loving and healing. I see every aspect of the universe, the animals and insects, the weather, nature, playing its part in that dance, the energy exchange, the sacred exchange of information and divinity.
When I open my eyes, I see people acting out their light and shadow selves, spiraling into fear and shame because the world we created, with its systems and rules, does not feel natural or healthy. I see people begging and taking because they have been infected with the idea of scarcity, lack and fear.
I see people asking to be loved from people who do not know how to love, because love is treated like a commodity, a resource to be paid for with good behavior and obedience, rather than a continuous flow of a gift from that which gives us life, that which animates us and supports us. I see us not realizing that our one of our main purposes, ultimately, is supporting and loving others, which we only learn when we surrender to allowing ourselves to be a hollow bone for life to flow through.
I look forward to the day when I can see the truth of the energy with my open eyes, instead of when I shut out the illusion that is in front of me.
I believe that that day is coming, as recently, the universe granted me a couple of insights as to what this will look like. A year ago, a Luna moth appeared in the outdoor stairwell of my apartment complex. I was completely mesmerized by her. Every time I passed her, I would stop and stare, taking in her majestic, magical self and sending her Reiki, as I knew her journey was short. A few days later, she disappeared, as expected because Luna’s live only about 10 days. Actually, the Luna spends almost a year in egg, larva, and pupa stages, and then appears in winged form for about 10 days.
But she is most assuredly living, even if we cannot see her in front of us.
This year, another Luna appeared. Again, I became mesmerized and spent a lot of time standing on the stairs at my apartment complex, giving her Reiki and expressing gratitude for such a magical gift. I looked up the spiritual significance of Luna moths and found out, not surprisingly, that they represent, among other things, a short lifespan to an aspect of one’s life.
At the time that she appeared, I was struggling with the concept of releasing a few things that I had been doing to supplement my income. These things had become part of my identity, part of who I saw myself as, and I could feel them starting to slip away. I spent years developing them, creating relationships with people, and nursing these projects from infancy to adulthood.
Fear, scarcity, and lack were pounding on me every day, as I thought about leaving behind these projects, these parts of me. Luna, with her gentle presence, was reminding me that short life spans and death are part of the natural world. In our society, we believe that longevity is the answer to success and stability. But Luna’s message to me was clear. These things that I have been doing came in for a reason and a season, not a lifetime, and it was time to let them go.
On the 10th day of Luna’s life in my stairwell, she disappeared.
I bid her farewell and thanked her for her message. I wondered if it was difficult for Luna to represent the concept of impermanence on such a huge scale, and then I was reminded of Ecclesiastes 3:1, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”
She knows her purpose and probably does not have an opinion about it one way or another. She just does what is hers to do. That felt like another valuable lesson.
As I was thinking this, and walking out to my vehicle, I heard a flapping sound behind me, and it was getting louder. I looked down and Luna was on the ground, flapping her massive wings, and walking towards me. I stopped, surprised, and reached down, offering her my finger to perch on. Without hesitation, Luna stepped onto my finger, and I brought her up to meet my gaze. She then gave one last little effort and found a space on my chest, near my heart and sat there.
I was on my way out of town, about an hour drive from my home. I knew Luna only had a few hours left, at most, so I thought I would offer her a safe place to release her earthly body. For the entire hour, I gave her Reiki, spoke lovingly to her, and assured her that her life purpose had not escaped me. I watched, somewhat uncomfortably, as her body was actively dying. One side would seize up and shudder and then she would collapse in exhaustion, as the other side would then do the same. I was reminded of my mother, as her body did something similar when she was actively dying.
It was in those moments that I increased my love, compassion, and Reiki for her comfort. As I pulled into the parking lot of my destination, Luna had one more seizure, shuddered hard, and let go. She fell onto my lap and was gone. My heart was full; full of love, a deep understanding, and heartbreak. Later that evening, when I was back home, I took Luna, some tobacco, sage, and sweetgrass under a tree and returned her back to the universe, in gratitude and humility.
In the past month or so since the message of Luna, life has been very hard.
We have had an immense amount of work at my day job. The things that I was thinking about releasing when Luna appeared require more work to wrap up. We had a convention where more than 75% of the people, me included, got COVID. And the list goes on and on.
However, amid all that, I decided to fulfill a dream of mine and go see Santana in concert. I called a girlfriend who always reminds me to laugh and have fun, and we made the 3-and-a-half-hour drive to St. Louis. It was an outdoor venue, and I chose lawn seats. We people watched and commented, “More of that please” every time someone hugged, kissed, or expressed love to another—or when someone would get up and dance, even by themselves.
About midway through the concert, I looked down and I had a bubble on my arm. A bubble! A random soap bubble had just attached itself to me from Lord knows where. I showed my friend, and we took a picture. Neither of us remembered any bubbles going by, which is significant because bubbles are one of the things that make me so very happy.
They are magical and fun and remind me of moving with the breeze and going with the flow. They remind me of childhood. Freedom from worries and fears and obligations. This bubble sat on my arm, through clapping and dancing, for more than three songs. Let me rephrase that, for more than three Santana concert songs. And then, “poof” it was gone, and I was left with a little soap residue on my arm.
The significance of all these messages from the universe are not lost on me. Luna and the bubble represent impermanence. Luna reminds me to seize the day, every day, to do what is mine with majesty and magic and not get attached to, or declared something as part of me, when it is not. The bubble reminds me to stop taking things so seriously and that those things that I have built, that I now get to release, will leave behind their mark, like soap residue from a burst bubble.
And I can look at that residue and smile because I did what was mine to do and I did it well enough that it was ready to take on another life.
I believe that the universe is always talking to us. Like all of us, I don’t always listen, so it sends me something big, magical, and amazing. Someday, when I can see the messages with my eyes open, it won’t have to do the big, magical amazing things, but for now, it sure adds depth to my experience.
For that, I am grateful.
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