By Xenia Rose
I had a choice to make: to choose fear or choose love.
I believe my fears, masked and disguised in anger, led me to my previous article, but I do know that that place of fear is not my home. My fears exists within me to lead me to my evolution, and I needed that dark night, or dark nights (because there were quite a few), but I needed it/them to show me who I am and who I wish to Be.
I’ll reiterate: living in a world of fear is not our home, and if we feel it is, we are yet to access the wisdom that it bestows upon us.
At the beginning of this global situation, devouring the news, the statistics, and any research or data I could get my hands on became my norm. I could tell you the updates on at least 9 individual countries, not to mention my thoughts on the pros and cons of each country’s approach. And this from a person who doesn’t believe in phone time for the first hour (at least) upon waking.
I place value on my intelligence, but I was taking it too far. I see this led me to a place of anger and pain of how we individually cope, and I realized I forgot to allow each person to be where they are at. People do hurt one another, the world is not built on fairly distributed structures, and viruses can come out of nowhere.
So, I choose who I wish to be and and how I wish to show up for myself and for others. For me, that means directing my attention to the many beautiful ways that we are showing up for one another.
The sheer kindness breaks me open.
For those who don’t usually thank cleaners, trash collectors or any of the often invisible service industry workers, I thank you for doing so now. These people were always there for us, and seeing how we are now rallying for these people and thanking them for looking after us seems to make my heart grow bigger.
Watching videos of millions across the world cheering and applauding for doctors, nurses and hospital workers coming and going, literally the front line workers in this situation, reminds me that we are being called to offer our best selves at this time.
Look around, choose your media sources wisely, consider your words and their impact on the person in front of you, and allow the unprecedented amounts of generosity split you open. It is a phenomenal experience to be a part of this much needed shift, and there are many ways that we can be a part of this healing journey.
If we can step outside the boundaries of self and show up for something bigger than our individual needs, wants, ego drives and fears, we will realize we are being gifted with an incredible opportunity here. This is a re-frame, not a dismissal, of what is happening.
What I am slowly starting to understand—not easily, I will add—is that we must release the world we were used to and acknowledge the new world that will dawn on us. We don’t know much about this new world, yet it will still rise. What is sure is that the world as we once knew it is gone. It is not an option to go back to it. It no longer exists. Here we may touch upon deep grief.
Go gently, my friend. For we must touch and feel our grief, the heart will grow tender as we tend to our hearts.
However unwelcome and intrusive this grief feels, it is a necessary part of the process of life—to honor what was, to mourn and allow cascades of sadness to wash over us, and then, only then, can we rise.
Somatically, we will grieve collectively.
Only then can we turn a practical measured eye and assess what we would we like to keep and what we would like to let go of. Some of the things I’d like to see let go of include:
The disharmony that exists within ourselves and with each other
The social, class, gender and economic divides that shape our worlds
Failing systems and outdated structures
Our absolute insane dependence on non-renewable resources
Contaminated and manufactured agricultural systems
Polluted waters across the world
Shattered political systems and corrupt corporations
Unrealistic and unhealthy ways of combining work and life
The notion that humans have it all figured out
Here’s a story for you: When I went through my burnout and finally left my corporate career, I felt deeply embarrassed and shamed that I was burning out. People seemed to think it meant I was tired or overthinking, and needed to rest and relax. Well, it was far bigger than that. In May 2019, the WHO finally admitted burnout as an official medical diagnosis, and so stories like mine shall be retold.
We will know another way now as we acknowledge the way we were doing things wasn’t sustainable, it wasn’t for all people and it is definitely not healthy.
There is an aliveness to us all now. We are a part of a collective story, the likes of which have never before happened on earth. The vibrancy that is deeply enmeshed in this situation is bittersweet. We are waking up now, and all we need to do is listen and feel into ourselves.
We don’t know the answers, we don’t know where this is leading us, but it is showing us all how resilient, flexible, powerful, caring, wise, receptive and generous we are.
And aren’t those some of the things that we wish to leave here for our great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren?
Xenia Rose is a mind, body and spirit wellness journeyer, Yogini, Masseur, Writer, Reader, Hiker. An Avid Traveler, Astrologer, Psychonaut, Lover of Mythology, Permaculturist, and Animal Lover. A Child of Nature and a Student of Life and the founding owner of BreathingOpen. She is a 200 hour Certified Hatha and Vinyasa Yoga Teacher (RYS®), 150 hours Certified Yin Yoga Teacher and a Certified Ayurvedic Masseur Practitioner and permaculturist. A faithful meditator for more than 13 years as well as a devoted student of the Shambhala Tradition, she is currently working towards her accreditation with the Jeffery Wolf Green method of Evolutionary Astrology as well being a graduate of the London School of Astrology. Connect with her through www.breathingopen.org
Editor: Dana Gornall