middle finger


By Debbie Lynn


When we are accosted with rudeness the first reaction is a split-second thought of “Where did that come from?”

The next and most human reaction is the all consuming, and adrenaline building instinct to retaliate—but we don’t need to go there. We never need to lower ourselves to that vibration, and nothing smacks more of ignorance than a battle of ugly words in anger and arrogance.

And while there is never an excuse to poor behavior, there are usually many underlying reasons a person is nasty. Unfortunately, we sometimes get caught in the crosshairs of a days worth, or many days worth of their unfortunate life.

The saddest part (to me) is that some people—not all—are so full of vile they don’t even know how angry they actually are; it is their habit and they wear it everyday.

The irritated attitude has become a persona through years of defensive/aggressive behavior because that is all they know, and perhaps all they have had to live in (situations we cannot begin to fathom). With that, an illusion is formed inside their heart that the whole world is against them so rudeness is their standard mode of operation.

So how do we steer clear? It is nearly impossible but there are a few things to pull-up from our own heart when we run into aggressiveness.

1st Rule of engagement is: Don’t engage. Anger only sparks more anger.

When the tone in someone’s voice is an invitation to join the fight, swallow your ego pride—don’t accept. The Spiritual Warrior knows that going to war with mind/body and soul, (subjecting our calmness to anger) is a direct line to disaster. We lose ground in strength and revert to an immature space. There is seldom a viable reason to waste our precious capacities on toxic crap. We won’t feel better, vindication is ego driven, and in the end the wheel goes round. Remember your echo.

Keep Calm and Breathe

Did your mom ever say, “I am going to count to 10”? This was a pause and a warning. A way to save us from her initial anger and doing or saying something she might regret. Keep the “calm breath” going and this practice alive—it works.

When we stop the energy of a potentially bad interaction with a pause or two, it allows us to regroup. We stay balanced and will have far better stability in a tilted situation. The breath is a moderator, a savior and a friend. It is good to remember this and use it when life begins to spin out of control. It is the one thing we have full ability to use on command and help align a softer presence in one that seems hard and unfair.

It isn’t about you. There is something deeper going on that we can’t see.

Here is the real test of being calm, centered and balanced. I think this is one of the hardest things to learn, re-learn and process but it is SO valuable. Getting past the knife that someone has pulled on us, and remembering that what ever it was (or is) that upset them and that we are not the origin of an unprovoked attack is very hard, but it is the best way to hold peace.

If we unintentionally sparked a fire inside in someone without knowing, it is not our obligation to put out whatever it is that has made us a target. A brief acknowledgment to their emotion can be offered but more often than not, the angry soul has had something re-kindle some pain and that set-off an all out war. There are some things we will just never know and it is best to leave it at that. Don’t prod, don’t take it personally, and don’t let their energy trickle into your veins.

Compassion—dig deep

We can be either overwrought with someone’s anger or overwrought with love. It is a choice. But when we take the logic from the above mentioned, and apply it to any situation knowing we are not the root cause of the malice, we then find a way to really look at the big picture and see the soul who is projecting his stuff. We can see so much more by simply looking deeply into that person’s eyes as we can get a picture of a world gone mad and love them anyway.

We don’t have to be gushy and mushy but just pull out the compassion as we have all been in a place that was unsuitable for happiness. The difference between being mad or happy is when we send love out, there is always room to receive more, but when we send out anger, it only fills us up with more anger.

Walk on—don’t carry their sh*t with you and let it ruin your day 

The higher road is always paved with the best intentions yet it is a tough one to walk. For some odd reason we feel compelled to carry a grudge and we don’t even realize it because sometimes those “intentions” get muddied-up by our emotions. We find ourselves subconsciously wanting some kind of revenge or retribution which always, always, (one more time) always backfires. So if we are consumed by the thoughts of ill will and retaliation, we are still involved. We are carrying the situation in our mind, in our heart and it will seep into everything we do.

We have to walk away with mindfulness and with complete consideration that they hurt, and their hurt was projected on us. The end. It is the only way to open the portals of release and have clarity and a positive state of “being” healthy.

Otherwise we erode little by little and that erosion has the power to destroy.

In this is practice, when we practice compassionate reasoning, this way of looking, feeling and seeing other’s in pain through their eyes of attitude, tone and gesture is very revealing to our own self. We get to know a different part of the soul that longs to be a part of something bigger than just a surface understanding. We are healing a place in our own pain that ripples far and wide, and as we heal, we heal many along side our brothers and sisters we become one.

And when we are one, we walk on with better clarity and a different way to smile inside.


Photo: (source)

Editor: Dana Gornall