holding hands


By Gerry Ellen


When was the last time you invested so much of your heart into a relationship or partnership that your insides were left with screaming passion and love?

I’m referring to the full-on, deepest of the deep, rawest of the raw, hearts on fire, synchronous and soulful, natural and real merging of two humans who have vowed to remain a medley with their other. Being single and on the outside looking in has its merits; the boundary between overlap and integration versus solitude and perception. As I navigate a whole new way of living and subsisting in this world, the enticement of true blue soul crushing love has gripped me.

I won’t settle for less. I have before, but not this go-round.

It’s in my DNA to partner in business and love (Libras are the total yin/yang sign). Either/or, and the mission and purpose of our togetherness rises to the betterment of each other and the planet.

To be involved in a soulful union is truly of the highest order in life.

Whether marriage or a spoken word to betroth to another human vow takes some guts. I have done it a few times in my 50+ years and I can honestly say that I haven’t yet experienced the epitome of magic in union.

My first marriage began in my mid-30s. We were best friends, mountain biking buddies, real estate investment partners, sports enthusiasts, motorcycle riding companions, running and training cheerleaders for each other—and I screwed it up. As silly as it sounds I wasn’t ready to be involved to a stronger depth than what we had. Neither was he.

Looking back, I believe we had more lives to live than what each one of us could give the other at that time. Forgiveness played a large role in our parting, as did a blessed send-off to whatever the future would hold for us separately.

As I entered my mid-40s I was involved in another short-lived marriage that became such a karmic outpouring of my soul. The prince charming effect gripped me from the onset and I was swept away to every possible place of magic and heaven. The dream wore off and it took almost six years thereafter to pick up the pieces of my heart.

Memories were made, friendships were lost and gained, and our continued evolvement apart became a story that I don’t miss one single bit. Gratitude remains for what was to be an adventure, yet the fallout remained more front and center due to the business of my soul. One thing for certain is the surety of our involvement led to more checked-off in the negative than it did in the positive, and I will not travel down that road ever again. Done and done.

So where does that leave the beauty and resolution of the soul and its desire to be inflamed with another?

My own history didn’t end with two marriages, as I discovered another wonderful heart in my early 50s. No marriage with this one, but the intensity of a roller coaster ride for four years and unbelievable cherished moments. The respect and admiration continues, well into our days, months and year apart.

Going all-out for someone means just that.

We compromise, we give to ourselves and the union immeasurably, we eye-gaze until the cows come home and we talk the ugly and the pretty things. We continue to learn and we share, we hold nothing back in any corner of our bodies or our minds, and we treasure the arduous ways in which we dance and sing and play. We double over in laughter because the wit of our words surprises and enlivens. This is why we blend our beings.

And this is why, in an adventurous, wild and free life, I’ll honor that sacred space in me that says:

“Yes, nothing else will do.”


Photo: ohsuzeq/tumblr

Editor: Dana Gornall