By Debbie Lynn
I have always felt alone, but not lonely.
This feeling began when I was very young and it was hard. I didn’t have the tools, the knowledge or the understanding to articulate the emptiness, so began the titled vision of my alone.
As a child, I was always standing just on the outside of the circle, which gave me a unique view of how cruel and awe-filled life can be—I witnessed this dichotomy with great wonder.
The meanness of my friends left me uncomfortable, like new shoes that are too tight but you have to wear them to break them in. Yet those same souls could turn in an instant, pick a milkweed flower and give it to you as an offering of peace without an explanation—there were no words, life went on.
I wrestled with these kinds of goods and evils (in my mind) for much of my life, but never spoke clearly about them. I felt isolated in my query as it seemed that the world was so full of itself. It certainly didn’t have time to explain to curious heart, so I turned to nature; my salvation, my hug that would console my curiosity with kindness.
Alone: I found solace in special spots where I could cry out loud or be joyous for no reason and no one would hear me.
Alone: I found peace in the trees, or on a rock that seemed to have a seat carved perfectly for my form.
Alone: I found comfort in the wind as it kissed my cheek.
Alone: I found the birds would stop momentarily and answer my deepest thoughts even as they were flitting around scattered and frenzied.
Alone: I would walk, sometimes for hours, and the motion of my gate soothed my moods.
Alone: I can write it out, ride it out, come to meet my dark side, shake my hand and then be warmed by the light of acceptance.
Alone, I became my best friend.
This is friend I could rely on, the one who knows me best, the one who can tear down the walls and build them up again, the one who questioned everything.
The enemy mine, the keeper of my key that holds the cipher to my heart. I learned to twist the view to quench the thirst for company, and to appreciate a slightly “tilted” persona alone, not lonely.
Thoughts in my head are always swirling, but I am good with this; I have learned to love totality. I do not always agree with the ways of the world, but who am I to judge?
I am no one. I am everyone. I am in you, can you see me?
Life is still a huge mystery, with the vast amount of unknowns it hits the very core of the void, a void that we can never fill. This emptiness has been root cause for many things. It has lead the way to discovery and driven some to their demise. It has opened the portals to creativity, and stifled the most brilliant minds and yet, it is the most common connection we have.
Stand in the crown and relish the energy or go to a place, a space where you are enraptured by your own essence—what you are feeling is universal. The hum of life, when we tune in, is what moves us in solitary unison. Feel it large, feel it fully, and feel it deep. Once this is understood, we cannot help but to love being alone, and loneliness will not cross our paths ever again.
Debbie Lynn realized at a very young age that the outer reality was a far cry from her inner truth and meeting her inner wisdom head on always turned into a challenge. The wonderment, curiosity and hypocrisy of life led to exploration and a cumulative documentation (art and journaling) of what she lovingly calls “the purge”. It is her way of ridding any negative energy from the daily grind. She says, “In essence, it is a way to start fresh and cleanse the soul.” Debbie has had numerous articles published with elephant journal, The Edge Magazine and Simple Steps Real Life Magazine. Her daily posts can be found on Facebook.
Editor: Alicia Wozniak
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