By Tanya Tiger
There is often terrifying splendor in transformation.
The way it takes what is familiar and twists it, turns it inside out, and all but snuffs it out of existence. And, if we can look past the pain and discomfort, we will see that there is beauty in the breakdown.
Lately, I have felt very much like the caterpillar in its chrysalis—I have for a few months now. It’s such a strange sensation, but not entirely unpleasant. I can sense the melting away of my old self to make room for the new. There is an “emerging” happening…a rebirth.
As many of us know, birth is a painful but awe-inspiring transcendent experience. We rarely, if ever, emerge on the other side of birth the same way. Our bodies change. Our minds expand. Our heart grows infinitely bigger.
That is what is happening; I am being reborn.
I realize that I am simply unable to remain in this cocoon any longer. I can feel my wings—still tender and soft—push against the walls. I want to be free to stretch and to fly. I have lived small and protected for far too long. I am ready to take flight and embrace life in all of its messy glory.
Doing so will mean taking risks but I am ready. Doing so will mean leaving people behind, but I am ready. Doing so will make me vulnerable beyond anything I can even yet imagine, but I am ready.
There is fire in my soul and it cannot be suppressed any longer.
I could choose to remain tucked safely in my shell—it is much less dangerous here, but it still holds its own set of risks. If I remain tucked inside I would suffocate. I would wither and die.
Fire needs oxygen to breathe and I am living fire.
There is pain as I push, as I stretch. There is fear of what is waiting for me when I break through. More than any of this though, there is hope and love and an unending array of exciting possibilities. There is freedom to burn brightly and deeply.
I know that my new wings may falter. They may tear a bit as I learn to use them and I may find myself swept away on these winds of change, but I will also find my way back home. Like a Monarch Butterfly migrating, I can always find my true home.
And while my new wings may get me into trouble, curiosity is a natural side effect of new life. I know that I will be okay. I know this because I can feel the necessity of this change. I know this because I have faith that I have been led to this point in my life by a benevolent force.
My Mother is re-birthing me and I will be welcomed into this new existence with open arms. The fear is superficial. It no longer runs as deep as before and I am no longer afraid to let go. How can I fly if I continue to hold tightly to the people, places, and things of the past? I must have faith that those who are meant to fly with me will grow their own wings. I can no longer allow myself to be grounded by others perceptions of how I should be.
In truth, we are all caterpillars. We will either accept the change or fight against it.
If we embrace the change we get to become butterflies who turn out to be capable of so much more than we ever believed possible. If we fight against it, we perish either in body, mind or soul.
So my friends, may we all be brave enough to stretch our wings and face each moment with a renewed sense of wonder.
Editor: Dana Gornall
Latest posts by Tanya Tiger (see all)
- How the Act of Art Therapy Helped Me with PTSD and Grief - February 11, 2019
- Am I That Person in My Eulogy? Thoughts on Facing Mid-Life: - January 31, 2019
- Resolving to be More Mindful - January 7, 2018