By Debbie Lynn
Loving detachment doesn’t mean we don’t care—quite the opposite; it means we care so much we give Love the freedom to be what it is.
I used to think that people who were detached from life, love, and others were void of emotion, selfish and cowardly. I was so wrong. At a very young age I realized the few times that I have been completely attached—in what I thought was love, I had been deeply hurt. Yet through this pain I came to see how I had relied on someone or something for my happiness, and that is not love. I learned transience is life, life is love and I learned this not because I was an enlightened soul.
I learned this because I was hurt and angry, and vowed not to go down that road again. I learned by default.
Sorting it Out
So how do we justify an arms-length approach to love? The concept seems vacant and cold, but in truth, breaking away from an attachment to love is safe and stable. I am talking about an investment in our humanness that actually unties the rigid ego around emotional love and gives it a much-needed softness; inside-out. It is about putting our expectations aside, closing the book on the fairy tale and taking love to a higher ground.
It is getting love out of the messy delusional emotions so we can connect to love cleanly and clearly, and it all starts with gratitude and acceptance.
The highest from of love and respect is found when we allow ourselves to accept the things we cannot change, but know that change is immanent. In acceptance, there is peace. When we are at peace it is easy to have gratitude for what we deem important; this is when we can easily give space to love to grow and flourish.
It’s where we stop imposing our whims; our wishes and demands on love—detachment.
And if you enter into this agreement be prepared for a different kind of emotion to envelope your soul. A calmer, more sensible “arms-length” vibration that touches everyone you come in contact with. Radiating contentment, people will say, “You have changed.”
Change is Good
Nothing lasts forever. The end. Yet, we all tend cling to things, to people, to life and when we do this we suffer. Clinging—attachment—leaves little or no room for air to come in, and all things need oxygen to breathe and to grow, especially love. Growth is change and change is important. New love turns to old love and old love eventually dies. It is our duty to understand this. And when love dies, we have the choice to either give it new life or bury it. Both are painful, but neither are bad.
The higher detached love gives us the opportunity to move through our pain with grace knowing we gave it the freedom to reside where it needed to be. No strings attached, no remorse, change is good.
Form follows Function
There are so many forms of love and each one has its own unique purpose. We love our pets differently than we love our partners or children. We love the sky differently than we love the seasons and we love material things differently than the way we use them—no right, no wrong just differently.
The form of love we anticipate through testament and theory is always different than what we actually experience. Experience being the key and the function of love is to create experiences in the moment—vividly, wildly and sacredly true to heart; not something we read about or try to mold to our thoughts about it.
Love just doesn’t work that way.
So the love of these people or things fills us and connects us to a bigger source. The trick is not to be attached to the outcome of the love we feel and not to be disappointed in the reciprocal or, the lack of it. Sometimes we just don’t get it back the way we thought it would be; however, that energy will always return in some form.
Give and Take
In its purest form, love’s energy is unstoppable, highly visible, and has the power to move mountains. We all have this power within yet we try and hold on to the energy, bind it, and put it somewhere… but it’s impossible to do this. It must be given away. The constant give creates a beautiful vortex of unseen synergy that when left untamed, raw and untainted replaces the void we so often feel in our lives. And true to its nature the give will eventually take with a balance that is sometimes considered rough, but such is life; yin and yang.
Detaching from what we think we deserve in return for what we give brings contentment to the heart that just loves to love. No price, no expectations, no letdowns.
We can run but we can’t hide. Love will find us because we all have a beating heart, which is in tune with the universal song that holds no bias to where we are, who we are, and what we have done. Let go of what you think you know, let the song play through your core. The vibration is one of many, but the tune is a constant melody that never ends.
Detach from what love should look like and let it be. Do it for your self, do it for the sake of doing it and the rest falls into place. The doubt soon drops to the wayside, the pain eases and love opens you in way you could never articulate to anyone. It doesn’t need to have words.
Embrace detachment and set love free.
Editor: Alicia Wozniak
The wonderment, curiosity and hypocrisy of life led to exploration and a cumulative documentation (art and journaling) of what she sees, feels and observes. Debbie writes and speaks to the logical side of Spirituality (being accountable, responsible, and full engaged in life's happenings). She is now cruising the Caribbean with her Husband on their 46’ Catamaran “INDIGO.” Debbie has had numerous articles published in Rebelle Society, Elephant Journal, The Edge Magazine and SAIL Magazine and now a featured writer for The Tattooed Buddha. Her daily posts can be found on Facebook .