By Debbi Serafinchon
Dear Former Me,
WOW. You are in for the ride of your life.
Hold on. Times will get bumpy. Times will be difficult. You will think at times that you just can’t go on one more day or that you could ever feel as happy as you do at that moment. You will discover a strength you never knew you could muster up at times.
And yes, the tears will fall.
You will fall in love more than a couple times. The purest of those times will be when you hold your children for the first time. Each of those little bundle of joys will be adding another room to your heart when you did not think it was possible to add anymore. They will make you laugh. They will make you cry. They will make you want to pull your hair out at times. Each one so independent and strong and beautiful.
You don’t realize it yet but your heart will break when their heart does. Your pride will beam brightly when they accomplish yet another goal they set out for themselves. You will be frustrated beyond belief at some of the decisions they will make. But through it all, you will look at those 4 beings and know that they can accomplish anything they set their minds to. You will give them wings. It will both tear at your heart strings and bring you the greatest sense of accomplishment—one that you never thought possible. You will do a great job.
Trust your instincts. You are a great mom.
There will be romantic love in your life (a few times over). Each love will offer you something different but it will all be wrapped in care, hope and desire and you will return that love, the best and only way you know how. You will question yourself often, and doubt your ability to give and receive this gift. You will do it the only way you know how—your way.
This will cause you pain and joy, all at the same time. You will not give up on love though. You will keep the hope alive for all of your years. Your heart will seem like it can’t go on some days (it will at times be filled with the pain, hurt, and anguish). But I promise you this, it will. It will beat in your chest in ways you didn’t think possible. Your heart is full of compassion and passion.
Speaking of passion, you won’t lose that. You will live your life cheering for the underdog. You will want to right what is wrong. You have a voice and let me tell you, you are not afraid to use it! People will shake their heads at you. They will look at you in bewilderment at times. Often times you will question if it is worth it—to say what you mean and mean what you say. There will be times you will wish that you could be a wall flower—an ornament in the background.
There will be tears over some of the mean and hurtful things that people say to you. You will wonder why you were made this way. Question your gift. And I fully encourage you to think about it. Sit with it. Question yourself over this seemingly endless passion that you have. Because when you do, you will discover it is a gift—a talent. A beautiful quality that makes you who you are.
Many people will come and go in your life. Friends will disappoint you. They will lift you up. They will hold you when you are down and celebrate when you succeed. Some will only be in your life for a short time. Some will pop in and out of your life. Some will write their sentence in your story and disappear, never to be seen or heard from again. All of this is okay. You will often find yourself wondering about some of them and how they are doing or what they are doing. You will wonder if they were successful in finding their way in this big ole world. Some of them will turn out to be not who you thought they were, good and bad. Some will use you. They will try to demoralize you, ruin you. You won’t let them.
That’s not who you are.
There will be bleakness in your life. Dark days. There will be days that you don’t want to see the light no matter who tells you it is out there. You will want to crawl into the deepest and darkest corner you can find and just be sad. You will set a pity party table many times in your life, complete with a place setting for one and black balloons and streamers as accents. You will sit at this table you have set for yourself and tears will stream down your face as you contemplate just how unfair life really can be some days. You will feel the intensity of just how lonely a person can be. And you need to do this. Because when you do open those curtains and the light shines through, you will appreciate it so much more.
You will find peace and a quiet calming in nature. Many times you will be amazed at just how the sunlight reflects off the snow, making it seem to sparkle in your presence. You will walk beaches, hand in hand with a lover, listening to the waves play a love song just for your enjoyment. You will soar above treetops, even though you’re deathly afraid of heights, and feel as free as the wind! You will surrender your fears on the top of a mountain and trust the horse you are riding to get you back down to safety.
You will jump in puddles just because they are there.
You will sit, mesmerized by a fire for hours in the evening. You will pull your car over on the side of a road to watch a setting sun like it is a movie written and played for your eyes only. You will marvel at the northern lights dancing across the skies on dark nights. You will feel insignificant among these marvels that Mother Nature will offer to you. And you will rejoice at the fact that you didn’t miss all of these gifts that the world has offered you.
You will grow wise with experience. You will grow weary with worry. You will grow excited with hope.
You will grow.
You will one day look in the mirror and think to yourself, “Wow, not a bad picture.” It is one that is created and designed by you. For you.
The more self-aware you.
Oh and P.S. Wear that bikini on the beach every chance you get. Even though you will think others are judging you and you’re not sure if you have the confidence to do it. Just wear it. Trust me on this one.
Debbi Serafinchon is a passionate lover of life. A natural questioner of life, she often tries to fit the pieces of what is happening in her world together through writing. This divorced mom to four older children, finds she now has the time to follow her dreams. She loves to travel, learn and interact with people. Her life is summarized by her favorite quote by Douglas Adams: “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” You can find more of her writing on her website and follow her on Facebook.
Editor: Dana Gornall