Author: Carolyn Riker

So This is Christmas…(The Holidays Aren’t Always Easy).

  By Carolyn Riker   “I shouldn’t write this,” I keep telling myself. I should be sharing something positive and cheerful and full of gratitude. I should be focused on peace and love. I should be singing ‘chestnuts roasting by an open fire’ and planning perfectly poised decorations, while making hot chocolate from scratch and wrapping presents with glee. However, I am not. I struggle with the holidays. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster since early October when the first artificial Christmas trees were sighted in a big box store. My heart fell to my feet. “It’s already...

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I Found My Brave.

  By Carolyn Riker   It’s been nearly 25 years since I felt the fist of fury and demeaning words that almost destroyed me. I can close my eyes and just as easily be that 20-something-year-old. I can feel the burn of tears scorching my face and taste a metallic lace of blood. I held tightly to the edge of my world wondering, what the hell did I do to desire this? I had no idea, I did nothing wrong. He was wrong. I could tell his moods by the sound of his footsteps. I could sense his disappointment...

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Loneliness is a Gift.

  By Carolyn Riker Loneliness is so profoundly loud, I am left silent. Sometimes, life gets oddly quiet and my thoughts dissipate into ether. I am left holding the empty hands of loneliness. Loneliness is haunting. It is an ache to find a home, but I am unsure of where or what it is. I don’t believe it is a place, but a quest for integration and a seeking of self solidness. It is an opening into a profound cavern of seeing between the bones of our grave. The soliloquy of my stories are pushing to the surface and...

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The Golden Ratio of Anger: It is Okay for my Kids to See Me Upset.

  By Carolyn Riker   I aim to be a good parent but there are days, I am frustrated and fail. There isn’t a handbook. Vacations are few. Summer days are endless. Being a parent is stressful as it is rewarding. Most days are incredible. We hum well together. However, I’ve noticed there is an undercurrent and an elephant in the room. It is those particular days and weeks and months when my thoughts spin to the left. I become resentful and feel bad at the endless interruptions, demands and questions. I get tired of sifting through the barrage...

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Racism: Terrorism on Our American Soil.

  By Carolyn Riker   I’m appalled and shaken at the recent deaths of blatant racism of nine black folks at a prayer meeting at Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, South Carolina. My head is swirling with articles and interviews on this latest American racist tragedy. At first, I didn’t want to believe it was possible. I was in denial. Then profound grief. Now I’m outraged. It’s not the first time. It’s generations of bloodshed. Speaking out is fairly new. I’d rather be quiet, watch and listen. I thought that was the right thing to do; the safe thing....

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Buddhism For Dudes

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