By Ruth Lera
You are not messing up your life.
This is what I want to say to you right off the bat. There are no mistakes being made, no failures being stacked up against you, no problems you are causing that reflect to the world you as a person not deserving of love.
But you might be exhausted.
You really might be.
This constant fight against ourselves wears us down. This pounding sensation of inadequacy and constant looking for all the mistakes we are making saps the joy from our journeys and causes us to feel drained, alone and unworthy. And it doesn’t have to be this way.
If you are feeling worn out, burnt out and like you are lost on your path you might want to take a look at the activities within your own mind and consciousness to see if there is a constant battle going on within yourself about perceived mistakes and failures you are sure you are acquiring.
Every moment is a chance to make a fresh start.
Every moment we can look for blame or we can look for change.
If we don’t like the way things are going in our life then it is time to make a change. When we are always searching for the reasons that our life is not a success we become caught up in a blame cycle that takes us nowhere, except maybe to bed. When we blame our biological families, our communities, our ex-lovers or friends and even society as whole for our perceived failures we drain our life force. This blame cycle keeps us stuck in thinking there is a problem.
Mostly that there is a problem with ourselves.
Instead of looking for blame we can change the story in our own being to one of being motivated to create change. Not just change in our actions, but change in our internal beings, change in how we are approaching our vulnerable feelings about how we are maneuvering through our life. We can create this type of positive change in our lives by changing the way we are talking to ourselves.
Unfortunately, most of us are not skilled at using encouraging self-talk. We cut ourselves down in the way we talk to ourselves because that is how adults spoke to us when we were young. We search for failure and disappointment, sure that it is around the next corner (because it was around the last corner).
This is a habit. It is not the truth.
Can you feel that? Can you feel the relief in knowing that failure and disappointment aren’t the truth of your journey? This sense within you that your life is a failure is just a habit, just something you have done many times. But it is not actually true. You are a precious, brilliant, loving human with so much to contribute. I know that without ever even meeting you.
This battle against your self is exhausting. This self-talk all day long, no matter where you are or what you are doing, about how you are getting it all wrong is an excrutiating cruelty that does not need to continue in any of our lives. But how do we end this pattern of cursing ourselves for not being good enough, smart enough, loveable enough or simply any good at navigating this human life?
We just stop.
We just choose to stop doing it. We don’t wait for our life to better, more organized, better financially resourced or less confusing. We just stop berating ourselves. We choose to put down the sword we have swung towards ourselves and let go of the fight.
We will never get this life right, and this doesn’t mean we should stop trying, but is also means we can stop believing we might get this life wrong. We can’t fail at life. But we can wake up each day and commit to being kind and encouraging to ourselves as we wind through the ins and outs of everyday human life. We can tell ourselves “You got this,” and look for the learning and the growth instead of the failure and disappointment.
This we can do.
When we engage with our life in this optimistic way we will feel less tired, less drained and more appreciative of the unique person we are having an incredible substantial journey full of failures and successes that have nothing to do with our personal worth but instead are simply opportunities to learn and love.
You got this!
Editor: Dana Gornall