love potion

 

By Nina Rubin

 

Don’t you wish there was a recipe for love?

Everyone would be making this cake day and night, if this truly worked. And, if there was a cookbook on staying together, that would fly off the shelves like hotcakes! Instead, we have the raw ingredients, and desperately want to find a store-bought mix to combine and produce this delicious concoction.

I spoke to a bunch of people about their top ingredients for love and my findings were not surprising. My close friend used the words zing factor,* but others said spark, passion, connection, chemistry.

In other words, to have a true love connection, there must be a type of chemistry along with timing and willingness.

I stand by the belief that love relationships (and friendships, too) do not work without proper timing and willingness. Part of willingness is the decision to be certain and claiming yourself and your person in this new (or familiar) relationship.

How many times have you met someone and everything could be perfect, if only he grew up and acted more mature? If only she committed? Distance can also be a barrier, but can also be a way to get to know someone really well and can move the relationship along a little faster. Two of my favorite couples had intercontinental relationships (wait, both in Australia and the US—funny!) and spoke on Skype so regularly that when they met in person, they were more attracted to each other. Their recipes included plane tickets and large suitcases, and eventual green cards!

Back to willingness and timing—both are real, yet both can be overcome. In fact, I believe that willingness supersedes timing for making love work. You know the saying, “where there’s a will, there’s a way?” Try that on. If both members of this relationship decide to give it a go, there’s a good probability that it can work. If one is uncertain or not wanting to be in your definition of relationship, then it’s doomed (at least right now).

As Valentine’s Day approaches, we often feel a sense of expectation, hope, or depression.Instead, bake my delicious chocolate cake. Maybe give it to a friend or bring it to work for your coworkers. Maybe the outward giving of love will help you open up to a recipe for love down the road. Try not to feel the wrath of Singles’ Appreciation Day. Spend time with your doggy or kitty and give yourself love as practice for the days you’ll be loving on someone else.

And, for those of you who are in loving relationships, tell me what was your zing factor? We’d all love to know.

 

A recipe for love

Love Cake

1 c. physical attraction
1 c. intelligence
1/2 c. humor
1/2 c. shared values
1/3 c. respect
1 tbsp. mystery
zest for life

Love Icing

1 c. timing
1 c. willingness
unlimited zing*

For the cake:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Using a heart-shaped cake pan (or a 9″ round, or mini pans), grease with intention. Set aside.

In a large bowl, combine attraction, intelligence and humor. Stir moderately and with intention. Gradually add values and mystery, folding in the ingredients until combined. Be sure not to over mix.

With a smile, dump in humor and shared values. Laugh as you mix until well combined.

Pour in respect. Spoon in mystery. Using a grater, vigorously zest in life.

Pour batter into prepared cake pan. Bake for 25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Cake should feel light and springy. Let cool on a wire rack while you prepare the icing. Or, the cake can be prepared two days in advance and stored airtight in the refrigerator.

For the icing:

Generously scoop timing and willingness into a medium-sized sauce pan. Melt on medium heat until bubbly and then take off the burner. Don’t let the icing carmelize or burn. Let cool to room temperature or place in the refrigerator until ready to use. Before icing the cake, notice unlimited amounts of zing factor.

Ice the cake to your liking. I like mine smooth, but some people like their cakes more textured. Add raspberries or strawberries for beauty. Eat and enjoy!

 

Photo: (source)

Editor: Dana Gornall

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Nina Rubin

Nina Rubin, M.A., is a native New Mexican living in Southern California. Coming from a long line of entrepreneurs, she runs her own Gestalt Life Coaching practice and is starting a food company called The Gourmet Therapist. Originally trained as a Gestalt Psychotherapist, Nina practices as a Gestalt Life Coach working relationally with clients in the present moment. Helping clients gain insight and awareness, identify their needs and create action plans to achieve their goals is her primary focus. An avid cook and baker, she is constantly trying new recipes and looks forward to hosting a breakfast pop-up restaurant. Having flirted with the idea of writing for many years, Nina writes for her blog, Afterdefeat. She is always trying something new or connecting with dear friends and can be found at Sunday meditation sanghas, yoga classes, playing scrabble, and hosting dinner parties. To learn more about working with her, visit Coaching by Nina Rubin.
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