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By Edith Lazenby

I lost her last year.

I am not sure how I lost her. I stopped hearing her words sing to me at night as the moon find its way into the sky. I did not see her in a child’s eyes or kitten’s cry. When the snow fell I did not see her wink through the white haze and cold breath of winter.

I am looking for her though.

I am wooing her with attention and quiet. Now she is like a ghost of a love I used to know and hold. I think I see her shadow and realize it the way the light falls. Or a sound creeps into my field that sounds like her footprints and I seek to find her path so I can follow where she goes.

I have set up bells and wind chimes to let me know when she is near. I listen quietly for she can be subtle as wind when she wants.

And I close my eyes and plant a hope on her hearth that she remembers her love for me.

She thinks I have forgotten her but I have not. It is not like I went on a vacation or packed up and left her. Just one day slowly I drifted away. I got involved with life and people and lost the thread that keeps her connected to me at all times.

I cut the umbilical cord—she had become someone I no longer knew.

What I realize is now I have to start over with her and myself. I have to go back inside to meet her and find out once again what her needs are and how mine have changed….for it has been a long time since she inspired my heart, a very long time.

I am stronger. I am older. I am kinder.

I am less apt to go over some details in life with the same sense of need or desire. I feel like my needs and goals are clearer. I always say need is desire’s best liar.

Yes food and shelter always. I want to keep meaningful work in my life and learn massage. I want to bring my dreams back of telling a few of my stories in a memoir. I want meaningful relationships. I want a significant other.

I have a home after moving many times last year and I was new to the area a little over a year ago. So now is the time to tune into the details of sound and form: how my kitten purrs and how her milk teeth pierce my hands.

How the snow dazzles by reflecting light; how fresh coffee smells first thing in the morning.

Yes I seek the poetry in life with my Muse. And what is poetry, but words that resound with meaning. I believe Ezra Pound said it better but great writing is timeless and helps us feel or breathe or understand. So I seek writing that shows a new window—a point of view that shows you self in a way that broadens and strengthens.

I seek my Muse.

 

edith lazenbyEdith “Edie” Lazenby lives in Baltimore and teaches yoga. Writing is her first love. She enjoys a cup of coffee and being around people. Life is a celebration. Writing helps her celebrate.

 

 

 

Photo: mellifluousmoments/tumblr

Editor: Dana Gornall

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The Tattooed Buddha

The Tattooed Buddha was founded by Buddhist author Ty Phillips and Dana Gornall. What started out as a showcase for Ty's writing, quickly turned into collaboration with creative writer, Dana Gornall and the home for sharing the voices of friends and colleagues in the writing community. The Tattooed Buddha strives to be a noncompetitive, open space for the author’s authentic voice. So while not necessarily Buddhist, we are offering a dialogue that is aware and awake to the reality of our present day to day, tackling issues of community, environment, and compassionate living.

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